about disappointment

Coping with disappointment is part of life. It's something we all have to do. And it never gets easier to deal with. We just get more practice at it. There'll never be a time when any of us get past the point of being open to disappointment.

Coping With Disappointment

By Eric Butterworth

Unity minister Eric Butterworth, 86, Theologian, Lecturer & Author of 16 books died April 17. He inspired hundreds of thousands with his message that positive attitudes create personal renewal.

So the young man, concerned, looked about for his father & he finally came upon him. The man's face was ruddy in the glow of the flames.

He wrote, "My heart ached for him, no longer a young man, everything being destroyed." Then he says, "My father spotted me & he called out, Charles, Charles, run get your mother. She will never see anything as beautiful as this fire as long as she lives."

So, even in its destructiveness, Edison saw the beauty of the fire because, you see, he was a researcher. He'd spent all of his life learning how to cope with disappointment.

The next morning, walking about the charred embers of all of his dreams, Edison said," There's great value in disaster because all of our mistakes are burned out. Thank God we can start again!"

Always we must know that if I'm discouraged or disappointed it's not because of what happened, it's a result of my own consciousness, my own negative awareness.

You can decide that you're going to meet all things from the highest possible perspective. Your job isn't to *set* things right but to *see* them right.   

The problem of disappointment always - comes from neglect of ones spiritual life. I'm not talking about going to church or worshipping God in a formal way. I'm talking about his awareness of his own wholeness, the awareness of his own God-Self manifesting within him.

Now of course we should understand that if you love your misery & you want to nurse your discouragement & your feelings of failure, it's your privelege.

Anyone has a perfect right to stew in his own juices if he wants to. But remember, you're in your cave because you want to be there. When you're sick of being so negative you can open the window & turn on the light at anytime. Anytime you can overcome. The disappointment is a result of your own consciousness. Your own negative awareness.

Coping With Loss & Disappointment

Nancy Recker, Extension Agent, Family & Consumer Sciences, Allen County

Recognizing Losses

Many research studies have been conducted on the grieving process & handling death, but few studies have focused on managing the change brought about by disappointments & losses.

Whenever we experience a change that requires giving up familiar patterns, we suffer a loss or disappointment. In a research study conducted by Family & Consumer Science Extension Agents, over 500 people were asked to tell about their losses & disappointments, rate the severity of them, what feelings they had & what helped them to cope with or get over them.

Most of us recognize the obvious losses such as death, divorce, or loss of a favorite possession. But it's important to realize that the less obvious losses & disappointments can also be very significant.

Losses

• Health: physical & mental illnesses, injuries, chronic diseases

• Relationships other than divorce: siblings & family estrangement, unhappy marriages, problems with children, grandchildren, co-workers, friends

• Work / financial: jobs (loss of a job, downsizing, changing jobs), businesses, homes (moving, fires, etc.)

• Divorce

• Death

• Pregnancy issues (unfaithfulness, unexpected children, miscarriage, abortion, infertility)

• Losses from violence (rape, sexual assault)

• Loss of a dream or vision

• Loss of independence & self-esteem

• The most shocking experiences of loss are those that alter the structure & functioning of our personal & family life.

These kinds of losses & disappointments can have lasting impacts.

Much of the grieving we do comes from those losses that are easy to identify. The source of grief is obvious when someone dies, we experience a divorce, or we move away from our family & friends. 

Grieving Is an Individual Experience

Grieving is an individual experience. A major loss for one person, may be only a minor disappointment to another. The intensity of the loss or disappointment is often dependent on the significance of what was lost.

The time span for recovery is also very individualized. For some, recovery may take only a few months, but for others experiencing the same or similar loss, it could take years.

Every person works out his or her own method of surviving or coping during times of loss. Some people turn to friends while others like to be alone. Some seek out support groups & counselors while others stay at home & cry.