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welcome! to emotional feelings, 4!
after looking things over here at emotional feelings, 4,
try out "the layer down under," (part of the emotional feelings
network of sites) & read a special "i just gotta say it" column concerning porn addiction by clicking here! Be sure to scroll down towards the bottom of the right hand column to find it!
just
another great suggestion... visit the homepage! you can read more about the emotional feelings network of sites there, as well
as, a heads up about who is feeling what emotions within the network each month!
How this site works best for you!
You'll
notice that there are many underlined link words in each article below. The reason for this is that you have reached not only, "emotional
feelings, 4," but the emotional feelings network of sites. There are many sites included
within the network that'll be visited by clicking on these underlined link words.
If you can't find what you came
here looking for, visit the homepage for the emotional feelings network of sites by clicking above & read the options on
the homepage for the networks index of sites. Try to be specific when looking for an emotion or feeling word & click on the site you need!
It's very simple & very
interesting to follow your way thru the layers of your buried or stuffed emotions & feelings that have accumulated throughout the years!
when you've reached this point, or this website, you know you're making
progress!!!! this part gets difficult because now is the time to look within & become emotionally honest with yourself!!!
Best of luck & if you're
still stuck, send me an e-mail anytime, by clicking here & I'll be glad to send you an immediate personal response!
Sincerely,
Kathleen


discouragement
by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin
Rabbi Avraham Weinberg of Slonim (1804-1884) told of a general who received a report that the enemy had broken through
his lines of defense. The general was visibly shaken by the message and his facial expression manifested despair. The general's
wife said to him, "I have just received a message worse than yours."
"Please tell me what it is," requested the general.
"Looking at your face, I see that you have given
up hope," replied his wife. "Discouragement is worse than the loss of our lines of defense."
"Similarly," said Rabbi Avraham, "feeling discouraged because of a failure is worse than the failure itself."
Think of instances when you originally thought you'd be unable to do something, but in fact were able to do it, or feared
that something wouldn't work out well, but it worked out better than you thought it would. This can give you a greater sense of encouragement
for the future.
Never give in to feelings of discouragement, since the lowest moments can lead to your greatest
fortune.
Whenever you feel discouraged, realize how great an accomplishment it is to continue
in the face of setbacks & difficulties.
View discouragement as a tool for growth. Anyone can take action when things are going smoothly. It takes
special strength, at times even heroism, to fortify your spirit & keep going when your initial reaction is to give up.
Some people assume that when they
feel discouraged their feelings are "proof," there's no hope.
But feelings only represent a person's state of mind, they can't predict the future.
If
you ever feel discouraged, ask yourself, "Do my present feelings actually prove there is no hope" Of course not. There's never absolute proof that your situation will not improve.
Adopt the attitude:
"It's always possible that
the future will turn out much brighter than it seems now. What constructive actions can I take for improvement?"
When you feel a strong ambition for something, it'll empower you & you will not give up hope. Intensify your
will. Even if you weren't successful until now, you may succeed
next time.
In spiritual matters & character growth it's never too late to change. A person always has the ability to change & to grow. Therefore, always feel a deep sense of hope that you or
someone else can make positive changes.
Appreciate
even the smallest amounts of improvement. If you become angry one time less
than before or with less intensity, that's improvement.
If you speak a little kinder to others, that's improvement. The more pleasure you feel with each drop of improvement, the more likely you'll keep trying
to improve.

Rabbi Moshe of Kobrin
(1784-1858) told his followers that even if they make serious mistakes, they should not be discouraged.
Instead, they should focus on correcting themselves in the future. To illustrate this point, he asked a disciple of his who
grew up on a farm,
"Did you use
to ride on a horse?"
"Yes," replied
the man, "quite frequently.''
"Did it ever
happen that you fell off the horse?"
"Many times,"
the disciple said.
"And what did
you do?"
"I just got back
on and continued riding," was the person's reply.
"This is a model
of how we should react to our mistakes," the Rabbi of Kobrin told his followers. "Never give up.
Regardless of how many times you fall, keep on getting up."

Deal with difficult
life situations one step at a time. Don't view what you have to do as a huge mountain to be ascended in one jump. Divide
tasks into steps small enough to deal with little by little. Focus on the specific task at hand and take pleasure with every small accomplishment.
When you feel discouraged, you are likely to remember past failures and disappointments. This leads to more emotional pain and increases your discouragement. Instead, remember
positive moments.
Even if you can only
remember one time when you felt positive about yourself, or only one time when you manifested confidence or strength, you have a resource that is yours for life.
Calmly recall
the positive feelings you once had and realize that since you have experienced them once, you can continue to experience them in the future.

Dr. Viktor Frankl
recalled his dilemma in a concentration camp during the Second World War when faced with a man and a woman who were close
to suicide; both had told him that they expected nothing more in life. He asked both his fellow prisoners whether the question was really what we expected from life. Was it not, rather, what life was expecting from us? He suggested that life was awaiting something from them.
The person who
feels despair and discouragement is asking the wrong question. He asks what the world is giving him.
As soon as you ask, "What is the good that I can do?" you will always be able to find an answer.
What state would you
like to be in right now? What can you do right now to access the state of your choice? Do it.
What words of encouragement would you like to hear from others right now? Give yourself those words.
Encourage others. You can bring about miracles in people's lives if you sincerely believe in their potential and convey this to them. Right now think of someone whom you can encourage.

Rabbi Zelig Pliskin of Jerusalem is a Personal Development Coach and the author
of 10 books on spiritual and emotional growth, including "Gateway to Happiness" and "Guard Your Tongue." He also writes a
daily email list called "Rabbi Pliskin's Daily Lift," which promises "twice the impact of coffee - and no caffeine."



Discouragement, hopelessness
I'm afraid this will sound simplistic, but when you're
feeling discouraged & hopeless, you could look at it as just a sign that
you need to find some source (or
create one within yourself) of
encouragement & hope.
Maybe a technique would be helpful, like making a list of some
things which are encouraging.
Or forcing yourself to find just one encouraging thing amid your present
feelings of discouragement.
Maybe just find some uplifting books or articles or read a story on what someone is doing
somewhere to help people. There's a huge selection of inspirational books & tapes. Some of them have helped me both during
an immediate down period in my life & also in a longer term sense because I have the memory of some things they said which
helped.
Another option is to seek out some optimistic,
but validating people. Perhaps just tell a friend who knows you well
that you are feeling discouraged & hopeless. Perhaps they'll remind you of some encouraging truths.
I remember a few times I was feeling discouraged & I was able to remember
some encouraging things. And it helps me to know
that I've felt extremely discouraged
& hopeless, even suicidal,
but I have bounced back from those feelings.
And I believe those feelings helped me focus on what was truly
important to me. If nothing else, write to me & say:
I AM FEELING HOPELESS! Or scream it out if you must,
or cry it out - your body or your amygdala is sending you a message.
Let it know that you have received it.
I'm not sure how the process works but it seems that once
the message is fully accepted, validated & understood, it can be integrated by survival forces of the brain which go to work on solving the problem.
Once you have completely accepted that you feel hopeless, you can
begin to take action to feel more
hopeful.
You can search for inspiring websites, books, tapes etc. You
can actively think of people who you admire,
who are contributing to the world in the way you believe is needed.
When you're feeling hopeless,
it can be looked at as a clear sign that you need to feel more hopeful,
(or more optimistic, more encouraged, etc) in order to get back into a healthier state.
I believe our survival instinct itself is a source of hope.
If I truly had no hope,
why would I even bother to eat? As long as your body is feeling hungry, sleepy, etc. I believe there is hope.
As I see it, as long as there's one male & one female
alive on earth, there's hope for the human species. Imagine that the current members of the species have somehow managed to
kill everyone in your gender except you.
Now imagine you have 10 seconds to chose a partner before
all the other members of the opposite sex are killed. Now, 10 seconds later, it is just the two of you. Would you still feel
hopless? Or would you get to work on rebuilding the species?



Home Fires - Discouragement
is weapon that should be kept under lock & key
It's quite unnoticeable
at first as it begins with just one little incident. But it can quickly get bigger, like a wound that is starting to heal
but the process is interrupted & made all the more painful when it's picked at.
This
could be said of the human psyche when it encounters that insidious but most inflicting of feelings
of discouragement.
Discouragement starts out very small, often with a sharp
word, a particular look or that certain tone of voice. Mix this with the daily challenges & depending on the day, the
grind of life, feelings of discouragement take very little to build & grow.
This expansion is aided
& abetted by the careless words & actions of others.
If words were seen as loaded
weapons, we'd rightfully caution people to ‘keep the safety on' for fear of harming themselves as well as others.
Harm to self might be self-evident regarding the carrying of an actual weapon but how is this possible with words?
Words, especially ones said aloud, can hurt us not just the person they're directed toward. A
good example of this are two accompanying scenes in the recent movie, 'You've Got Mail' with the main characters played by
Tom Hanks as ‘Joe' & Meg Ryan as ‘Kathleen'.
Joe, a hugely successful
mega bookstore owner, who because of geography, is putting Kathleen, a small, recently successful children's bookstore owner
out of business, meet over a buffet table at a party. The words fly between them with Joe leaving Kathleen completely speechless
with his rapid-fire verbal put-down of the insignificance of her bookstore & its potential demise.
Yet later, Joe, full of regret & unable to sleep, sits in front of his computer composing an e-mail to an
intimate but unknown friend on the internet (ironically this turns out to be Kathleen). Joe types, 'Do you ever feel you've
become the worse version of yourself? That a Pandora's box of all those secret, hatred parts —"your arrogance, condescension.
. . comes out when feeling provoked. Zing - then hello, it's Mr. Nasty."
Joe's act of discouragement leads to a spiral of personal regret & a more deeply disturbing sense of shame. This harms his sense of who he is & whom he could become – his hope & belief in his future
potential to be better than who he is right now.
Joe's weapon of words not only
inflicted self-harm but also harms Kathleen on more than one level. In her e-mail response to his message, she reflects on
the experience of being put-down. She expresses her sense of loss at being discouraged as feeling no more significant than
a ‘bug to be squished'.
Yet this act of discouragement
does even greater harm, in that she now expresses a desire to be able to master put-downs & seeks advice on how to do
so. She is so misled in her desire to feel stronger since being put-down & discouraged, that she ignores Joe's warning
of the personal dangers of the aftermath of discouraging others - the feelings of tremendous self-loathing. Later in the movie,
Kathleen eventually learns this powerful lesson much to her regret.
Discouragement,
whether it's in the firing or receiving, is a powerful weapon that is better kept out of reach, under lock & key. Hunting
season on people's spirits needs to remain forever closed.
(Kate McGoey-Smith, Dip.
Nrsg., BA, MSW, RSW, PM is a registered clinical social worker offering personal counselling, family and business mediation,
career consulting and organizational training and consulting. You can reach her at 938-1480 or by e-mail at mcgoey@telusplanet.net).
The Integrity of Discouragement & Despair
© 2001 Michele Toomey, PhD
michele@mtoomey.com
July 20, 2000
Heaviness of heart isn't something we long for & the painful feelings of
hopelessness is
something that we dread. Yet, there's a truthful place for both.
There are times that discouragement & despair are the only freeing feelings we have. Anything else is pretense, wishful thinking, or disconnection.
How then can we find solace in them?
How can we feel safe? Both solace & safety can be
found in the integrity of being
intimate with ourselves in our time of suffering & need. We can embrace ourselves & in so doing, embrace discouragement & despair.
This embrace has the potential to warm, to comfort, & to reassure.
"We are safe when we are true."
In this safety we don't have to fear what we're feeling, only be intimate with
it & ourselves. From this intimacy comes
a certain sense of well-being.
As discouraged
or
as depressed as we are, we're at peace. We're
all right. We're at one. There's no enemy here. There's no need to fear or solve. There
is a sacredness in the oneness with ourselves.
There's a gift in being true to what we feel. Tenderly we cradle our discouragement & despair. Rocking ourselves
with care & holding
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