discouragement

by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

Rabbi Avraham Weinberg of Slonim (1804-1884) told of a general who received a report that the enemy had broken through his lines of defense. The general was visibly shaken by the message and his facial expression manifested despair. The general's wife said to him, "I have just received a message worse than yours."

"Please tell me what it is," requested the general.

"Looking at your face, I see that you have given up hope," replied his wife. "Discouragement is worse than the loss of our lines of defense."

"Similarly," said Rabbi Avraham, "feeling discouraged because of a failure is worse than the failure itself."

Think of instances when you originally thought you'd be unable to do something, but in fact were able to do it, or feared that something wouldn't work out well, but it worked out better than you thought it would. This can give you a greater sense of encouragement for the future.

Never give in to feelings of discouragement, since the lowest moments can lead to your greatest fortune.

Whenever you feel discouraged, realize how great an accomplishment it is to continue in the face of setbacks & difficulties.

View discouragement as a tool for growth. Anyone can take action when things are going smoothly. It takes special strength, at times even heroism, to fortify your spirit & keep going when your initial reaction is to give up. 

Some people assume that when they feel discouraged their feelings are "proof," there's no hope. But feelings only represent a person's state of mind, they can't predict the future.

If you ever feel discouraged, ask yourself, "Do my present feelings actually prove there is no hope" Of course not. There's never absolute proof that your situation will not improve.

Adopt the attitude:

 "It's always possible that the future will turn out much brighter than it seems now. What constructive actions can I take for improvement?"

When you feel a strong ambition for something, it'll empower you & you will not give up hope. Intensify your will. Even if you weren't successful until now, you may succeed next time.

In spiritual matters & character growth it's never too late to change. A person always has the ability to change & to grow. Therefore, always feel a deep sense of hope that you or someone else can make positive changes.

Appreciate even the smallest amounts of improvement. If you become angry one time less than before or with less intensity, that's improvement.

If you speak a little kinder to others, that's improvement. The more pleasure you feel with each drop of improvement, the more likely you'll keep trying to improve.

Dr. Viktor Frankl recalled his dilemma in a concentration camp during the Second World War when faced with a man and a woman who were close to suicide; both had told him that they expected nothing more in life. He asked both his fellow prisoners whether the question was really what we expected from life. Was it not, rather, what life was expecting from us? He suggested that life was awaiting something from them.

The person who feels despair and discouragement is asking the wrong question. He asks what the world is giving him. As soon as you ask, "What is the good that I can do?" you will always be able to find an answer.

What state would you like to be in right now? What can you do right now to access the state of your choice? Do it.

What words of encouragement would you like to hear from others right now? Give yourself those words.

Encourage others. You can bring about miracles in people's lives if you sincerely believe in their potential and convey this to them. Right now think of someone whom you can encourage.

Discouragement, hopelessness

I'm afraid this will sound simplistic, but when you're feeling discouraged & hopeless, you could look at it as just a sign that you need to find some source (or create one within yourself) of encouragement & hope.

Maybe a technique would be helpful, like making a list of some things which are encouraging. Or forcing yourself to find just one encouraging thing amid your present feelings of discouragement.

Maybe just find some uplifting books or articles or read a story on what someone is doing somewhere to help people. There's a huge selection of inspirational books & tapes. Some of them have helped me both during an immediate down period in my life & also in a longer term sense because I have the memory of some things they said which helped.

Another option is to seek out some optimistic, but validating people. Perhaps just tell a friend who knows you well that you are feeling discouraged & hopeless. Perhaps they'll remind you of some encouraging truths.

I remember a few times I was feeling discouraged & I was able to remember some encouraging things. And it helps me to know that I've felt extremely discouraged & hopeless, even suicidal, but I have bounced back from those feelings.

And I believe those feelings helped me focus on what was truly important to me. If nothing else, write to me & say:

I AM FEELING HOPELESS! Or scream it out if you must, or cry it out - your body or your amygdala is sending you a message.

Let it know that you have received it.

I'm not sure how the process works but it seems that once the message is fully accepted, validated & understood, it can be integrated by survival forces of the brain which go to work on solving the problem.

Once you have completely accepted that you feel hopeless, you can begin to take action to feel more hopeful.

You can search for inspiring websites, books, tapes etc. You can actively think of people who you admire, who are contributing to the world in the way you believe is needed.

When you're feeling hopeless, it can be looked at as a clear sign that you need to feel more hopeful, (or more optimistic, more encouraged, etc) in order to get back into a healthier state.

I believe our survival instinct itself is a source of hope. If I truly had no hope, why would I even bother to eat? As long as your body is feeling hungry, sleepy, etc. I believe there is hope.

As I see it, as long as there's one male & one female alive on earth, there's hope for the human species. Imagine that the current members of the species have somehow managed to kill everyone in your gender except you.

Now imagine you have 10 seconds to chose a partner before all the other members of the opposite sex are killed. Now, 10 seconds later, it is just the two of you. Would you still feel hopless? Or would you get to work on rebuilding the species?

The Integrity of Discouragement & Despair

© 2001 Michele Toomey, PhD

michele@mtoomey.com

July 20, 2000 

Heaviness of heart isn't something we long for & the painful feelings of hopelessness is something that we dread. Yet, there's a truthful place for both.

There are times that discouragement & despair are the only freeing feelings we have. Anything else is pretense, wishful thinking, or disconnection.

How then can we find solace in them? How can we feel safe? Both solace & safety can be found in the integrity of being intimate with ourselves in our time of suffering & need. We can embrace ourselves & in so doing, embrace discouragement & despair.

This embrace has the potential to warm, to comfort, & to reassure.

"We are safe when we are true."

In this safety we don't have to fear what we're feeling, only be intimate with it & ourselves. From this intimacy comes a certain sense of well-being.

As discouraged or as depressed as we are, we're at peace. We're all right. We're at one. There's no enemy here. There's no need to fear or solve. There is a sacredness in the oneness with ourselves.

There's a gift in being true to what we feel. Tenderly we cradle our discouragement & despair. Rocking ourselves with care & holding