Dissatisfaction

Dissatisfaction often begins unfocused. There may be a sense that things should work better. People may be complaining. Students may be unhappily waiting in long lines. Customers may complain that costs are too high for the service being provided.

Employees may be discontent with their work life. Patients may be complaining that they have to wait too long. Doctors may be unhappy with how long it takes to get test results. 

For dissatisfaction to initiate change it must be:

• acknowledged 
• put into perspective 
• prioritized 
• related to process  

Acknowledgement of dissatisfaction occurs when someone chooses to understand it. Data is the key to ensure that dissatisfaction is acknowledged. Without data gathered, analyzed & reported on a timely basis - the acknowledgement of dissatisfaction is haphazard.

Dissatisfaction is put into perspective when there is data to quantify it & when the interrelationship of stakeholders & conflicting satisfaction factors is understood.

SITTING WITH DISSATISFACTION
The Fundamental Principle of Healing with Mindfulness

If a Genuine, Deep & Permanent Satisfaction with God is our Goal & Eventual Outcome, it might be said then that even a slight dissatisfaction is a primary motivating feeling, the expression of which becomes the job of the emotions. It might even be the cause of emotions, for without dissatisfaction, what need of expression.

If the middle way (meditation & the meditative state) is the still point or the point of perfection, then even the slightest deviation from it (in either direction) is an expression (of dissatisfaction). And the extremes of deviation from the balanced unmoved state manifest in mania & depression.

Happiness & sadness? What are they but moderate human expression. We call them emotions & seek relief from their power over us. But for what reason?

Paying conscious attention to this fact is our source of power. It empowers us to empower ourselves.

Even our "happy" emotions are mostly expressions of relief from something else, some other antithetical dissatisfaction.

Our bodies are dissatisfied; therefore we're dissatisfied with our bodies. But our bodies are storehouses of unprocessed, unremembered memories of events. (See "Imports/MindSight")

And they're also the means by which the unprocessed becomes processed. They're digestive transformative objects - the means by which transformation occurs.

They're transforming - in both senses of the word, active & objective. They're the transformers of everything, including themselves. They transform (themselves) & transform (everything inside & outside of themselves).

Our minds, however, are like separate organisms altogether. They seek to keep everything the same. We must take our minds off of their projections long enough to allow our bodies to do the work - to catch up with events, to process, to digest, to transform.

Sitting with our feeling of dissatisfaction will allow that to happen & it's the only thing that will allow that to happen.

Dissatisfaction - Sit with it or live with it.

Parental Dissatisfaction w/Joint Custody

By Trish Wilson, © 2002. All rights reserved by author

"The Impact of the Custody Plan on the Family: A Five-Year Follow-Up. Executive Summary. Statewide Office of Family Court Services, Administrative Office of the Courts, State of California. Margaret A. Little, Ph.D., Los Angeles County, Family Court Services; Hugh McIsaac, Directory. May 1991.
http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/programs/cfcc/pdffiles/impcus.pdf.

Excerpts

"...studies of families who came to joint custody thru litigation, rather than amicably agreeing to it, suggest that highly conflicted families may be unable to overcome their animosities sufficiently to make joint custody a viable option for them."

"The relatively few fathers who sustained a joint physical custody arrangement over the 6 years between the divorce & the interview are more likely than nonresidential fathers to report that they share in making decisions about their children, are involved in a range of activities w/their children & are satisfied w/both the legal & physical custody arrangement. This finding is consistent with previous research. What hasn't been noted in previous research is that the mothers in these families are less likely to report being satisfied with the legal & physical custody arrangement than mothers who have sole physical custody. Thus, in terms of parental satisfaction, any increase in the incidence of joint custody may have a mixed outcome."

Description of Current Custody Behavior

Turning to the self-reported custody behavior of the families interviewed, most of the families reported that the children reside with their mothers & about 1/4 reported little or no contact with their nonresidential parent, usually the father. However, 44% of the families said that the children have at least one overnight with each parent each month.

Thus, two very different types of post-divorce custody patterns of behavior can be seen in this sample. For some families, the divorce resulted in the children being raised almost exclusively by one biological parent.

For others, both parents are meaningfully involved in their children's lives. It's inaccurate to assume that co-parenting is typical of all post-divorce families, but it's also inaccurate to assume that it's normative for children to lose contact with one parent following the divorce. In this sample, both post-divorce custody behavior patterns were fairly common.

Most nonresidential parents & joint custody parents stated they wanted to spend more time with their children.

The only group of parents in which the majority were satisfied with the amount of time they have with the children were those who reported having primary physical custody of the children, suggesting parents view anything less than primary physical custody as insufficient time with their children.

Thus, in most divorced families, whether the custody arrangement is primary residence with one parent or shared physical custody, at least one parent is dissatisfied with the amount of time he or she has with the children. In joint custody families, both are often dissatisfied."

In terms of legal custody, high levels of joint decision making are associated with high levels of contact between the children & both parents. At least partially as a function of this relationship, parents who reported the children reside with both of them reported higher levels of joint decision making than those who reported that the children live primarily in one of their homes.

In terms of satisfaction, residential parents were more likely to report being satisfied with their role in decision making than parents who reported that the children reside with the other parent.

"As with satisfaction w/the amount of time spent with the children, a small percentage of joint physical custody parents were dissatisfied with their role in decision making than among nonresidential parents, but also a smaller percentage were satisfied than among parents with primary custody."[Citing Steinman, Zemmelman & Knoblauch (1985)]

It's notable that fathers rate higher on the conjoint decision-making scale than do mothers. Across every category, the group means for fathers are higher than those for mothers. This finding has implications for researchers relying solely on reports from one parent. 

However, in the absence of information about the family dynamics at the time of the divorce, it's impossible to know if the initial custody plan itself has an impact on later custody behavior or if the initial custody order is simply an indicator of other dynamics in the family that are crucial in determining the father's level of contact with the children following the divorce.