an excerpt from: School Readiness & Success

"..... the typical development of a child.

In brief, we know that children pass thru different stages. In infancy, children are learning trust & attachment to significant people in their lives. This very foundation is critical in order to keep moving & progressing to the next stages.

Children need to learn they can trust us as the important adults in their lives. We need to meet their needs. Crying is their communication. They're not manipulating you nor misbehaving when they cry. Most likely they need something! Once a child begins to pull up, move around & view the world, they begin to develop what's known as a sense of independence.

This can be a wonderful time or a trying time for parents. Walking, learning language, toilet training, self-feeding are all milestones during this time. And explore & touch they will! This is also very important! If they don't develop a healthy sense of independence, then the opposite of this is shame or feeling doubtful.

Shaming a child harshly during this critical stage can undermine him or her reaching out to learn & explore later on.

Once a child is about 3-4, they enter another developmental stage called taking initiative. This means starting activities. And think about this....as adults, we want children to start activities. We want them to take the INITIATIVE to do work on their own.

The opposite of a healthy development of a sense of initiative is a sense of guilt. We don't want children to feel bad or guilty having thought up an idea, created a proposal, or invented something useful! Our world is full of great inventions that occurred by someone taking the initiative!

Then the stage just prior to children entering school is INDUSTRY. The industry stage is perfectly timed to mean work & producing work. The opposite of industry is feeling inferior or "put down." 

Personal Accounts: Mental Illness, Motherhood & Me

Laura Perkins

When I was growing up, I always felt awkward about how I should act around family, friends & strangers. I knew I had a problem but didn't know what it was or how to deal with it.

As a result, I self-medicated with drugs & alcohol. It wasn't until I was in my 30's that I was given a diagnosis of bipolar affective disorder. During all those years of confusion, self-hate & emotional turmoil, I desperately wanted to someday be "normal."

For me, being normal meant raising & caring for children; I wanted to tend to their physical, emotional & spiritual needs.

Unfortunately, during most of my adult life, I've been very emotionally unstable & cried whenever one of my sisters became pregnant or when I saw a mother with her children. I constantly heard conflicting views on my being a mother. Some people told me my mental illness would compromise my ability to function well as a parent. My illness might cause me to lack patience. I'd sorely lack the skills needed to be a mother at the time I'd need them the most.  

For example, if my children were sick or misbehaved in school or at home, how would I quell my inner turmoil so that I could best handle whatever situation I'd have to face to meet my children's needs?

I think what my family & friends most feared was that if I had any strong emotion - mania, depression, or anger - I wouldn't be able to channel it appropriately or diffuse it. Others expressed various negative opinions that consistently left me feeling confused & doubtful.

I was too scared to have even a tiny spark of hope of parenthood for fear of having this hope snuffed out. Feeling doubtful was my constant state of mind when I considered issues of pregnancy & parenthood.

My attitude was shaped by many people's opinions, not necessarily my own. My family & friends meant well, but they succeeded only in making me feel trapped, as if I couldn't make important decisions on my own. I felt especially oppressed by the media.

Everywhere I looked the media was portraying "normal" women - who didn't have a mental illness - with their children & these children were always well behaved & well mannered.  

How could I ever live up to this version of a model mom? My own mother was right about one thing at least: I fell in love & someone fell in love with me. Shortly after we were married, my husband & I discussed planning a family. However, it soon became apparent to both of us that childbearing might not be a wise decision.

Over the course of our marriage I've struggled with the decision of whether to become a parent & I've often been sick. I frequently required admission to a mental health unit. My husband had many of the same concerns that my family, friends & doctors had. However, he never blamed me for not being able to start a family.

Others, especially my mother, would gently remind me that not every woman was meant to be a mother. Maybe she was right. I hadn't had any patience with children in the past. My mother tried to soothe my pain & told me I was still a loving person & that not giving birth to my own child didn't make me any less of a woman.

She said I shouldn't need a baby to feel complete & that I was deserving & worthy of a loving husband. However well intentioned she might have been, I interpreted her words as meaning that I absolutely wouldn't ever be able to have a stable life with children & that the sooner I accepted that fact, the better off I would be. I was left feeling even more patronized & unworthy.  

For years, most people who knew me would have agreed with my mother, telling me that because I had been in & out of hospitals for years as a result of my psychiatric illness, I wasn't stable enough to function as a mother. Hearing my supposed friends agree with my mother one after the other was very frustrating & confirmed the feeling that my husband & I had little or no support for achieving our dream.

Whenever I asked how stable I should be before I started a family, almost everyone I spoke to - my primary care physician, my therapist, my psychiatrist, my friends & my family - replied "anywhere between 1 & 5 years, when you're stable on medication & out of the hospital."

Often, meeting these criteria seemed like an impossible & daunting task.

Every once in a while I'd mention to my family & friends that I was thinking about planning a pregnancy, in the hope that they'd be supportive of my decision. They never were. I was immediately told it was an insane idea. Their concerns offered me little comfort. My mother believed that my being pregnant & remaining healthy during & after a pregnancy was nothing more than a "pipe dream"; I began to doubt the wisdom of my dream. I hadn't a clue how to relieve their concerns & fears - or my own.

Being bombarded with all those comments, I came to believe I'd probably remain childless. I was taking psychiatric medication, which was a very grave concern. I had so many questions about pregnancy & my mental illness. Could I continue to take the same medications, or would I need to make adjustments?  

What was the best way for me to remain emotionally stable while pregnant? And what would happen when I was actually faced with the reality of having a child? I still have many other concerns that will need to be dealt with on a daily basis if I plan to have a family. Having a mental illness & contending with medications is hard enough without being pregnant.

I also struggle with other issues, most of which are shared by practically every parent. I worry about whether I could develop & maintain communication skills between my husband, our children, & myself in a way that would help us grow together as a family. Like all parents & would-be parents, I'm concerned about financial security, especially in these times of large budget cuts & corporate layoffs.

Many parents who pursue a career seem to find ways to accomplish this without sacrificing their time, love & attention in raising their children. I wonder about my ability to provide healthy food choices & to be responsible for my children's nutritional health. Do I have the stamina for tasks such as paying doctors' bills & school-related fees & saving toward a college education?

I know of other parents who have a mental illness. They've been good parents, even when the odds seemed to be against them. When one of them suffered a relapse, the family was still able to function well as a whole. These parents have shown me how to maintain a proper perspective & how I might balance my husband's, my children's & my own needs.  

Realizing that I may someday be a parent, I'm trying to take an active role in maintaining my mental health. I'm keeping all my therapy appointments, taking medication as prescribed & keeping active thru work, friends & hobbies. I hope I'll remain stable & will eventually be able to raise a family.

For the first time in my life, I have a true conviction that it's indeed possible to have something that was missing in my life, something I'd always been told & always believed was impossible - a family of my own.

I've shared my excitement & concerns about motherhood w/my entire support system, including my primary care physician, my psychiatrist, my therapist, my family, my friends, people I know thru church & 12-step groups & my coworkers & fellow clubhouse members. We talk about my illness & my medications & how they may affect my ability to be the kind of mother all children deserve.

I'm sure I've started a plan that'll help me to stay emotionally stable now & will help me later in raising a happy, healthy & well-adjusted child.

During this process, my husband & I realized that because of my age, not necessarily my illness, pregnancy would pose too many risks for both me & a baby. I started searching the Internet for information about pregnancy & mental illness & found many articles about the risks I'd face because of my age.

As a result, I've decided not to give birth but to adopt. By considering adoption, my husband & I have made the first & most important decision. All our investigating has paid off. I have a much more realistic view of what parents who have any kind of mental illness may be challenged with. I've developed realistic expectations & goals, both for myself & for my family. Being mentally ill, in & of itself, doesn't deny a person motherhood.

Dealing With Our Doubts
by Alison McKee

Years ago a friend said to me,

"We don't know how to homeschool."

To this she added, "We need to follow their lead. When they want to learn something we should listen to them & follow that advice."

I knew from experience that my friend was correct & I also knew how difficult it was to follow that advice. At that time in our homeschooling venture, our difficulty was learning to accept that what our family did & how our family lived was the normal way to live.

On the surface I understood that the institution of school, a human creation, was, in fact, an institution which removed learning from its natural realm of the greater world & put it within the confines of brick buildings. I was well aware of the fact that the mammoth educational institution, so pervasive throughout the world, often caused me to forget that this humanly created institution was still in its infancy.

I needed to consciously remind myself that schooling , as we know it, has only been in existence for the past hundred years or so. Before that time most children spent few hours within the confines of classrooms & did the majority of their learning alongside the masters of the arts & trades to which they were apprenticed.

I'd often forget this fact & when I did I'd find myself face-to-face with my own doubts about my abilities as a home educator. Even with today's success of the homeschooling movement & my 20 years of active participation in it, I too can sometimes hear the skeptical, critical little voice in my head questioning whether we've done the right thing. (that's the initial stages of self doubt - kat)

Over the years I have explored this doubt - where it comes from, what it's like & why it's so pervasive - with others who homeschool & in so doing have tried to help them & myself, come to terms with this only partly tameable beast.

I've learned thru experience that the best way to come to peaceful terms with our doubt is to tell our stories to one another, in much the same way that we do when we attend homeschooling conferences, so that together we can create a new understanding of what healthy living & learning look like.

It's my hope that by sharing our personal stories with one another we can begin to destroy the myth that without full-time traditional schooling our children will somehow become less able adults than their schooled peers.

very important point - please read this - kat

The oral tradition of story-telling, as a means by which to transmit culture, has long been part of the human experience & so it's within this context that I'd like to tell you some of my story.

As you read, it I hope you'll be encouraged to tell your story to friends & fellow homeschoolers & thus help us all form a new basis of educational understanding which views learning within our homes & communities as the rule rather than the exception to the rule.  

My husband & I have been homeschooling our 2 children since 1978 when our first child was born. As preschoolers, Christian's & Georgina's lives were their schools. When Christian became school age we decided to continue allowing his life to be his school. A few years later we made the same decision for his sister.

For neither child did we want text books or curriculum. We'd witnessed the miracle of learning that had taken place in our living room & out in the community & sensed that things might continue in the same way if we simply allowed Christian & Georgina to learn from what life brought their way.

Why, then, were we sometimes haunted by doubts about what we were about? Did we not trust our instincts or our children? Why is it that we sometimes, even now, feel the pressure of society, questioning ourselves & our decisions?

Our children are grown, one is even in college & yet with one teen still at home there can be momentary lapses where we question what we're doing & the direction we're going.

Like most parents who make the decision to homeschool, our decision was made with great care. Before Christian had reached school age, we had already had many serious discussions about it. We read all we could find, starting with an interview with John Holt in The Mother Earth News & continuing with all the back issues of Growing Without Schooling, Nancy Wallace's book Better Than School & all of John Holt's books, some of which we had read in college.

We eagerly read anything that was available. I even had the wonderful chance to spend an evening with John Holt when he came to a music educators conference in Minneapolis. All of this foraging in the realm of homeschooling made us feel we could do it. By the time Christian was school age, we felt pretty sure that we were well prepared to take on the full responsibility for his education. That was back in 1983.  

As luck would have it, a confluence of events took place the summer before Christian should have gone to school. I was suddenly & most gladly, back at home full-time. David was done with his degree & had accepted a job in Wisconsin. If school were to be our choice, Christian faced the possibility of spending 3 weeks in kindergarten before we moved.

We decided that rather than put Christian in kindergarten at all, we'd simply keep him home "an extra year" & try our hand at homeschooling. After all, what sense could it make to enroll a 5 year-old in a school, remove him 3 weeks later & put him in a new school in a new town & state?

We also knew that Wisconsin was in the process of developing new homeschooling laws, which meant that there would be the possibility of having a voice in the process. All of these events, when considered together, seemed to be an open invitation to take the risk & try a year of homeschooling.

Given the fact that we were well prepared to homeschool & that it seemed the only sensible thing to do, how did doubt creep in?

In the initial stages of our homeschooling life, the most serious concern we had was limited to one important issue: Finding support, in our new community, for our chosen educational path. This was a scary issue at the time because homeschooling wasn't so well known.  

Eventually we made connections with 2 families in Wisconsin who were homeschooling. Although these 2 families didn't live anywhere near us, we felt as though we had found the support we needed. We were, by no means, going to be the sole homeschoolers in Wisconsin!

In those initial years, we continued to build a network of support while we watched our children grow & learn. From an educational standpoint, we felt relatively secure with our decision to homeschool & continued to keep "trying it for another year."

As the years rolled on, it seemed to us that our young children were mastering the basic skills of life quite successfully with little guidance from us. Christian learned to read, Georgina showed an interest in the written word but wasn't ready to master reading & both children seemed to be happy & outgoing.

Those early days of homeschooling were both a joy & a frustration. Even though David & I could recognize that our children were making progress in their personal & educational development, we still worried. Georgina was definitely a "late reader" & Christian's "allergy" to writing caused us to think of him as a "non writer."

These issues combined with the often invasive questions about our educational choice & whether or not we were harming our children by keeping them at home kept staring us in the face. We'd often find ourselves asking, "Are we on the right track?"

We found it easy to doubt ourselves when we focused on our children's "difficulties" with reading & writing or on "bad" days. It took us a little time, but soon we learned to focus ourselves on the positive aspects of homeschooling. We reminded ourselves, when we worried about academic issues, that our children weren't becoming stagnant.

They always seemed to be mastering new skills whether it was how to use the telephone to make inquiries, tie their shoes, cook a meal or spell the name of a new friend. With such reminders, it became easier to assuage our doubt & replace it with a new found confidence in our children's ability to learn & grow according to their inner voices rather than our schooled expectations.

When we were confronted by a series of "bad days," which might be marked by quarreling or endless boredom, it was important to remind ourselves that these, too, were learning opportunities. By homeschooling our children we were giving them endless opportunities to work thru their differences & learn the intricacies of living closely with one another.

Their boredom more than once served as a motivator & spurred them on to long-term, creative learning ventures that neither David nor I could ever have planned. By teaching ourselves to focus on the positive rather than the negative, David & I learned to recognize that, indeed, we were on the right track after all. Our children were thriving, happy & curious about their world. They fit in socially with adults & children in our community of friends.

It took quite some time before I realized why David & I could fluctuate so easily between feeling so good about our decision to homeschool one day & being so unsure of ourselves the next. Like most adults, we had been traditionally schooled for 13 years not to mention the fact that both of us were college graduates. It turned out that those years in school had done more to us than we realized.

If I really thought hard about it I understood that, beginning in kindergarten, we'd been taught to recognize our failings & our weaknesses. In fact, most of my adult peers had learned the same lessons. Some of us learned that we weren't able to color well, others learned that the alphabet wasn't easily mastered & most importantly, many of us found that our peers & teachers weren't always supportive of our differences.

These lessons seemed to be the simple beginnings of what I came to realize was the self-doubt that school instills into our collective psyche. Schools taught us that all children should be on the same developmental path. If they aren't, we worry & try to think of ways to manipulate them onto "the right path." In this way, David & I & most other schooled people, have been taught to doubt the value of being a unique individual.

On days when things were running smoothly there were other situations which brought our doubts to the fore. Most commonly it was the questions of friends, neighbors & even strangers. No matter how they worded it they all seemed to be asking one thing: How will your children learn if they're not in school?

It was clear by the tone of their voices that they believed "real" learning could only take place within the confines of a classroom. As a homeschooling parent at the threshold of our homeschooling experience, I was just beginning to tear apart this myth. I was coming to understand that school buildings aren't the holy temple of learning nor are its teachers its priests.

Slowly it became apparent that most children I knew, myself included, had never been given the chance to recognize just how much is learned by self-education. Instead most of us were told, beginning in kindergarten, "Now you're big children & you must settle down & learn."

Implicit in that message was the failure to recognize the value & merit of any self initiated learning that may have been done outside of school not to mention the fact that unique interests had little value in the classroom setting.

Another large dose of doubting ourselves as homeschoolers came from direct observation of our children & what they were doing & not doing. Although I was becoming conscious of the fact that genuine learning - learning that was as authentic as the unstructured home -based preschool learning our children had done - need not be tested in order to prove its value, my overly educated self often thought otherwise.

On the one hand, I could recognize that when Georgina asked me to teach her to use the library's catalog, I didn't have to resort to worksheets & tests to evaluate whether or not she had learned the skill. I recognized that the authentic experience of working thru the process, followed by being able to find books on her own, was all that was needed.

On the other hand my doubts about our natural form of homeschooling (unschooling as it has come to be called) lingered because of my limited personal experience of authentic learning. I remember being concerned because my children weren't doing those things which I had half-heartedly expected them to do.

They didn't naturally gravitate to sitting still for hours on end nor did they seek out textbooks when they wanted to learn about something. For quite some time, they were the only people I had long-term first-hand relationships with who learned in this way. Although Georgina's & Christian's authentic learning experiences were small miracles to behold, David's & my doubts could easily loom large when we saw how differently they went about their daily activities - their work - compared to our childhoods.

Oddly enough, our doubts about whether or not our free-form approach to educating our children subsided after I took on work as a long-term substitute teacher in 1990. The stark contrast between the work that my children were doing & what my students were doing helped us put aside our concerns & know that our path, while still uncharted, was by far superior to the traditional approach to education.

That year of substitute teaching was the same year that Georgina became immersed in the study of ancient Egyptian culture, an interest that began with her random browsing thru books at the library. We'd read anything we could get our hands on - adult books, picture books, encyclopedias - it didn't matter what.

Georgina was fascinated by anything to do with ancient Egypt. Some days we would sit on the kitchen floor & work on a scale model of an Egyptian city, some days we'd talk about Egyptian hieroglyphics & on some days Egypt had nothing to do with our daily activity at all.

Our days had a natural rhythm to them & we thoroughly enjoyed our discoveries together.

On the first Monday in November this suddenly came to an end. My subbing work began. As it happened, two of the students I was working with were studying ancient Egypt with their classmates. The first day that I sat in on the classroom discussion I was jarred by the unreality of it all. "Egypt," for these children, was something that was only discussed between 10:30 & 11:20 on certain days of the week.

"Egypt" was memorizing the meaning of terms like "obelisk," "pyramid" & "mummy" for a multiple-choice test. "Egypt" was something to be forgotten when the class moved on to "Greece" 2 weeks later.

Georgina & I discussed Egypt at breakfast or read about it for our bedtime reading. My students were reading texts for certain facts which they'd be tested on & do worksheets on. Georgina was reading & being read to about something that fascinated her. There was no test or worksheet at the end to test what facts she'd learned.

My heart sank as I sat with those 6th graders & wondered how such an interesting subject could be made so deadly dull. The class seemed uninterested in the discussion that their teacher was trying to lead. My gut reaction was to get up & shout, "No, this is wrong, this is awful!"

Of course, I didn't have the nerve to do it. Instead I sat in disbelief & felt my heart sink because those children couldn't experience the excitement of studying Egypt the way Georgina had. At home Georgina was alive with Egypt. As I sat in that classroom, on that particular morning, I was transfixed by the absurdity of what I was witnessing.

All children deserved to experience the magic of Egypt & none deserved having that magic stolen from them by lesson plans, text books & prying questions.

It was at that moment & many others that followed, that I began to feel truly confident that David & I were on the right path. Over the years we continued to allow our children to follow the magic that sparked their interests. They've been led down paths of study which have included learning about foreign language, animals, drama, theater make-up, orangutans & apes, fly fishing, singing , swimming, radio production & many more.

They also immersed themselves in the lives of their community doing volunteer work at meal programs, radio stations, for political candidates, at pet stores & at clubs of particular interest. When necessary, they found tutors / mentors to help them learn the foreign language, develop their dramatic skill or help them refine their singing techniques.

Each time our children ventured out in a new direction David & I became more confident that we were on the right path. If we ever doubted that homeschooling was the right choice, we simply reminded ourselves of what I encountered when I work in the schools.

My life has been lived in 2 worlds. The artificial world of school & the natural world of homeschooling. Each week for the past 8 years I have spent anywhere between 2 & 20 hours a week within the walls of educational institutions working one-on-one with visually impaired students. Often times I feel a terrible sadness for my students.

As I try to bring them the freedom of the homeschooling experience, within the confines of their school, they bemoan the drudgery of their regular classroom instruction. Each time I hear them complain about being forced to waste time on "busy work" I'm reminded that our homeschooling life gives me very little worry these days. 

Gone are the days of wondering whether or not Christian or Georgina are "doing what they're supposed to be doing." Of course they are! It's the schools in which I work that seem to be on the wrong path. My students confirm that schools are entirely out of step with what the lives of children are really about.

As David & I come close to the time when we'll have no children at home, I often find myself wondering why we ever gave our educational worries much consideration. Of course, I know that hindsight has lots to do w/how I feel now. It's for this reason that I enjoy sharing our story.

I hope that those of you who are just beginning to venture down the homeschool path can take from this story & the stories of others who have gone before you, the secure knowledge that your children will succeed in life as long as you offer them your support & guidance as they follow their unique & true path in the world.

Heightened Perception - by Brendan Nichols

I walked into a warmly lit room in the company headquarters. The space was long & rectangular. In the center of the room was a very expensive timber & glass coffee table. The whole place had the scent of prestige, money & power.

If this room had a name, it would have been known as "The special meeting room to impress people." If you worked for this company, this would be the room you would aspire to be in. Around the coffee table were thick, luxurious lounge chairs & on these were seated the chief executives of the company.

I'd been asked into the company headquarters as a consultant. I hadn't been given any information on the company's financial position. All I had been told was that the company was looking to expand their horizons & develop their people. After I was formally introduced, the conversation moved to where the company saw itself heading & the bright prospects that the future could bring.

I knew from past experience that nothing really changes in life, business or relationships until you get to the truth. It seemed that this particular meeting was just going around in circles.

Finally I leaned forward in my chair & said, "Look, if it's okay with you, I'd like to cut straight to the chase." I looked directly at the Chief Accountant. "I bet if I looked at your books, I would find that if this company doesn't do something drastic in the next few years, you'll be in liquidation."

An immense silence filled the room. The accountant looked at me in amazement & said, "Yes, that's true. How did you know that?"

"I felt it," I replied.

The accountant, puzzled, gently shook his head & said, "Well how do you do that?"

I looked at him & replied, "How do you not do that?" What I meant was that this ability is a natural part of our makeup. We naturally have the ability to sense things but at some point many of us turn this sensibility off.

A few weeks later I was working with one of the Chief Executives in her office when she asked me, "Brendan, I notice that on many occasions you seem to have this uncanny ability to read situations & people like a book. You seem to know people's deepest thoughts. I feel that I lack that insight & it's limiting me in my life & career. How do you do it?"

"Okay," I replied, shifting in my chair to directly face her. "I want you to look at the desk & describe to me one object that is on the table."

After she described a pen to me, I asked, "So how do you know it's there?

"I can see it," she replied.

"So," I continued. "You trust what you see don't you? That's the first step in accessing your intuition or your knowing - you need to trust it as much as you trust all your other senses.

If you heard a loud crash outside in the street you would have absolutely no doubt you heard it, so why doubt your intuition? When you awaken your Sage it is like turning on another one of your senses. Just like you trust what you see, hear & smell, you learn to trust what you feel. Imagine walking around constantly doubting what you see. Imagine how confusing that would be. Well, it's also confusing when you doubt what you feel."

She nodded in quiet, thoughtful agreement before I continued. "You see, your intuition is like a friend. If you have a friend that constantly gives you advice that you never heed, what will your friend do?"

"They'll either go away or keep quiet," she answered. "Exactly," I replied. "If you listen to your intuition & follow it, then that friend actually becomes stronger & more powerful. It becomes a very powerful ally."

BEYOND DOUBT

The biggest enemy of intuition is doubt. As Shakespeare said, "Our doubts are traitors." One kind of doubt is where you receive a strong intuition to go in a certain direction & then doubt its validity. I've lost count of the number of times people have told me how they acted against their intuition & as a consequence have had major learning experiences.

Another kind of doubt is where intuition itself is regarded as irrational & unscientific. When people refer to the god of science as being the paragon of rationale, I often remind them of Einstein's words, "I haven't arrived at my understanding of the universe by means of the rational mind."

The rational mind is very important. We use it to do our taxes, figure out road maps & a host of other useful things. The rational mind provides us with clear thinking, which is essential in problem solving. This ability to think clearly is the most elementary level of the Sage. However, beyond this is a world that the rational mind can't penetrate.

Some people hold the view that they can only believe in things that they can touch, hear & see. Yet science itself estimates that there's less than one billionth of our reality that can be recognized by our physical senses. A dog, i.e., has a certain range of hearing that we don't posses. What we see is just a tiny fraction of what's actually there. In fact, the eye is a lens which perceives the world upside down. Our brain then turns the image the right way up. Our physical senses register only a narrow bandwidth of physical reality.

The rational mind is crucial to negotiate the problems of the world, however, it has its limitations. The intuitive mind knows. The rational mind thinks it knows. Intellectual understanding can only take you so far. You can study everything about the taste of chocolate but until you actually eat chocolate you will never truly know what it tastes like. When Carl Jung was asked if he believed in God he answered, "I don't believe in God. I know."

If you'd like to awaken a higher level of perception, begin to trust those intuitive messages. Know that who you really are is more powerful & extraordinary than any of us can possibly imagine.

Shadows of Darkness - The Demon of Doubt - A quest that all young adults need to read & understand in order for them to create the best life possible. - By IDA COVI

It’s an epic crusade that you embarked on long ago. A struggle with an invisible foe that possesses unimaginable power. A battle that transcends decades in a territory of snow-clad mountainous terrain that stands in splendid isolation.

Everything is frozen into dormancy, disguising a turbulent landscape. The darkness veils all secrets. Is this strange, frozen land with its cold, gray shadows a reflection of the seeker who journeys on its soil?

The Demon of Doubt’s destructive words echo painfully with each footstep as you continue to advance. They take control of your mind, of your fears & of your search for purpose. He tries to play to your deepest insecurities & doubts that you're good enough.

He steals your power & attempts to sabotage your Quest to find new exciting opportunities, happiness & a more meaningful life.
The Demon of Doubt stands as a commanding, physical metaphor for our thoughts & emotions of self-doubt. Take a close look at ‘Doubt’ & see how it takes hostage of our life & influences our world.

The wise Sage clears his throat & leans back against the rock. “Each of us has questioned the truth of our own existence. What's life all about? How do we find meaning & purpose? How do we live a deeper, fulfilling life?

The answers elude even the cleverest minds. With all the daily goings-on & responsibilities, the noise & distractions, we never pause long enough to find the answer. So how do we find our way, our passions, our purpose, when we aren't taught the skills?

“As fervently as you wish to know your life’s true path, the good intentions of others have blocked you. Your friends, lovers & coworkers & your culture’s traditions & customs teach you what they feel you should accept as truth. Advertisers stimulate desire & the media manipulate popular opinion. This causes you to conform to the image others have of you. Ultimately you behave as others expect & believe what others say about you. You never turn to the single absolute authority in your life, the person who knows you best. You never think to seek knowledge anywhere beyond the appearances of physical existence.”

The Sage spreads his arms. “The answers can be found only on the other side of the Shadows of Darkness, where the absence of Light is the secret plan. . . .

“You have been taught many lessons by advisers & given plenty of advice. Now you shall seek true understanding & illuminate the most Supreme Secret . . . the knowledge you desire. Have faith in the unknown - don’t be frightened of danger.’

You stare out into the infinite darkness. “Where do I start?”

The Sage comes closer. “You must search within yourself. Seek the radiant star that severs day from night, or you'll be lost to a world of living death forever.” Once again the Sage vanishes in a flash of bright energy.

You blink the snow away. Soft moonlight illuminates the peaceful surroundings. Trembling with the cold, you head toward a large mountain & a light burning on its pinnacle. Howling wolves follow you, occasionally giving a cry that echoes thru the gorge. The route is long & difficult, climbing straight up the face, but towering rock walls offer protection from the wind.

Climbing over the jut of a rock in an attempt to follow the twisted path, you come upon a fissure whose shaft drops hundreds of feet into darkness. The earth begins to tremble & plumes of hot ash spew from the crack, shattering the tranquility.

The subterranean cavern begins to fall in on itself, causing shocks. Lava erupts, raining hot embers that cool on the ice into clumps of sharp-edged pumice. Foggy gray clouds of volcanic gas rise in an updraft, then roll down into the valley below.

On your right the steep side of the mountain collapses, sending a slurry of debris miles down the slope to ravage the countryside. You freeze in midstride, unable to breathe for a moment, staring at a figure on the other side of the rift: Smoldering like an ominous fume stood a Shadow of Darkness - the Demon of Doubt.

It isn't a person but rather a shadow with no solid form or definite features. This shadow has no element from which it was cast. Its dark, secretive & foreboding presence stands as tall as you, with a much larger build. It moves in deliberate strides staying just ahead of you.

You shudder, wondering how a shadow can exist independently. Is it here to help you? . . . It turns toward you, watching you shudder. The terror is overwhelming & inescapable as you think you recognize him for all that he is - Doubt.

“You aren’t good enough to accomplish anything on your own,” he says silkily, playing to your insecurities.

You flinch at the alluring voice that wants to possess you.

“Changing your life is the most difficult life task anyone can undertake & you’ll never succeed. With your lack of talent, what do you really think you’ll accomplish?”

The demon’s destructive words echo painfully with each footstep as you continue to advance. They take control of your mind, of your fears & of your search for purpose. Determined, you fight courageously to calm your doubts.

You recall the past 3 encounters & how the strange power from within vanquished the demons’ crippling efforts to replace your passion for a meaningful, fulfilling life with pain, fear, despair, betrayal, persecution & now doubt.

That is the key. I need the courage to look at my fear or doubts. I need the courage to acknowledge their presence & confront my demons, to name their game & what they're striving to do. I need the courage to strike out on my own & the strength to stay true to my own identity & truths.

Now the Demon of Doubt is trying to play to your deepest insecurities & doubts that you're good enough.

In the past the wondrous power emerged once you understood & began to fight the demons. You must touch that strange power now. In the quiet of your mind you find the power; you draw your heart to it & bring it forth, blasting away the demon’s cruel, destructive words.

The Quest’s purpose & your inner power come back to you. Your heartbeat pounds in your ears as you carefully step in the direction of the mountaintop beacon; you endure the demon’s taunting. You dismiss it.

Searing, glowing coals are scattered on the granular snow & sulfuric gases hiss thru small cracks in the ice, but all fear, all doubts, all pain, all despair fade. Lucid, with a tranquil mind & Spirit, you hold the power, its light, its purpose.

Drawing a deep breath, you follow the treacherous path without a word to the demon, never taking your eyes off him. Every step is tentative but electric as you walk up the trail.

The Demon of Doubt doesn't move, nor does he follow.
A gust of wind carries sparkling snowflakes onto your cheeks. For a long time you smile as you walk along, excited to be fully alive. There are no guarantees. You can't foresee what will happen to you. You may feel fear, doubt & pain, but at least you're not frozen, as the Shadows of Darkness would prefer.

-Excerpt from ‘Journey of the Night’

Do you struggle with doubts & insecurities? Run scared to where you feel safe?

The Shadows of Darkness are shadows that obstruct your purpose & wreak havoc in your life. A demon is a paralyzing thought, an ocean of emptiness that absorbs everything precious to you, the feeling of your life, unlived.

As the Seeker pointed out, once you face your demons, your fears have fewer hiding places in your mind. Since you're looking for meaning, purpose & exciting new possibilities, why not send your warrior Spirit to ferret out your shadow demons?

Shadows of Darkness seek to control you with their seductive promises & disabling remarks, using the same destructive words your own subconscious uses against you. The Quest recounts one of the most common vulnerabilities that steal your personal power & prevent you from pursuing goals, realizing your potential & discovering new exciting opportunities.

Here's a strategy to change a functional life to an enriching life:

1. Awareness: Listen carefully to what the Demon says in the Quest. His words have the ability to manipulate you, driving you from your life & dreams.

Recognize that the Demon of Doubt’s perceptions of you are wrong. He strives for you to believe his perceptions - keeping you a prisoner - impotent to pursue your goals, dreams & aspirations. Know that you have far more potential & the ability to use your Will to conquer him & not become his servant.

2. Identify: How do the Shadows of Darkness steal your power? What challenges do you have that you associate with the Demon of Doubt?

What negative influences or destructive words does the demon use against you?

Write down what he says to you.

3. Take an active Role! Use your Will to take back control: Once you understand how these Demons challenge you, you have the power to confront them.

Gain an understanding of how they impact your self-esteem, behaviors & attitudes. Instead of being pursued, you be the pursuer. Quiet your mind & find your power. Connect it with your heart & dismiss the Demons’ destructive taunts.

Start challenging what the Demon of Doubt tells you.

Now that you're aware of your Demons’ presence, how can you use this knowledge to help in your pursuit of happiness?

What patterns or behaviors in your life are you going to change due to your awareness of their presence?

Your life is a process of “Self-fulfillment.” The objective of the Quest is to place you in a starring role in your fondest dreams about your life. The vulnerabilities of your personality come to life as characters in the adventure.

As your own hero, you can reach the spark of life. Only you're responsible for your success; this role was written just for you. Your job is to identify the paralyzing vulnerabilities in your inner world & conquer them, then replace them with the freedom to define yourself, to be what you choose to be & to evolve thru enriching new experiences.

Why do we allow the Demon of Doubt to have control of our life?

Our society leads us to believe that failure isn't acceptable, so we are afraid to test ourselves in unfamiliar situations. Failure feels shaming to people. How will we grow if we remain forever in our comfort zone?

We must be willing to undertake risks. If we fail at them, it isn't a catastrophe but just part of our journey. Remember the Wright Brothers!

They built on their own failures as well as the failures of many notable scientists. Every experience we have - "good” as well as “bad” - influences who we are. By moving thru doubt & adversity we build character, strength & empowerment.

This Quest is one of the most empowering & freeing missions we can take in our lifetime. Once we attain mental freedom, the liberation from self-imposed limitations unleashes the passion & helps us to find new exciting opportunities & understand that happiness is a skill.

Are you ready to maneuver into your goal or daydream?