Someone
suffering a clinical depression needs medication & therapy. In addition, here are some things you can do for them as a loving person in their life, or as their personal life coach.
1. Be clear in your mind that
they need medication & therapy & project this. Encourage them to continue both. Make it clear it's now the new routine.
2. There should be Guide Dogs
for the Depressed. If the depressed loved-one or client
in your life doesn't have a companion pet, give them a well-trained, easy-to-manage, older one. This is particularly important
if they live alone.
Specify that you'll take care of the dog in terms of vet care & bills & provide a starter-kit - huge bag of dog food & container, food &
water dishes, bedding, etc. In other words, make it easy for them to accept this healing gift.
I have a depressed coaching client in Manhattan suffering the aftermath of Nine One One who mostly talks to me about
her beloved companion dog. I consider “Cody” part of the healing team for this woman.
3. Make any decision you can
for the person. In other words, don't say "Would you like to go out for dinner tonight? Where would you like to go?" Say instead,
"We're going to Bijan's tomorrow night for dinner. I'll pick you up at 7:00. Just wear your jeans." Once there, offer to order
for the person.
4. Speak in normal, modulated
tones. Avoid an overly-'compassionate' look of concern or a patronizing tone of voice. If they have trouble making a decision or remembering something, keep your
eyes from looking overly concerned or worried. This will only add to their worry & confusion.
5. Just be with them. Don't
hover, try to cheer them up, argue, try to 'get a rise out of them,' or ask them 'talk about it.' Cognitive processes are
slowed & emotionally, they're in conflict.
Under those circumstances, it's difficult to talk. It's hard to connect with people, even best-beloved ones, when you're clinically depressed - hard to maintain
eye-contact & to follow long sentences & thoughts. A metaphor I use is play lacrosse with them, don't face off with them on the football line. Be 'around' them, not 'in their
face.'
6. Don't put them in a position
that would arouse emotions. Celebrations, holidays, receiving gifts, or a long discourse on foreign policy all require a level of involvement the depressed person isn't capable of.
7. Be grounded & stay
centered yourself. Remind yourself of your love for them that will endure "even this."
8. When the person begins
to heal is a wonderful time for them to have a coach.
