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Grandma’s Love, Part III: Defenseless Power by Edith Pounds Bernard
The distraught parent knew every method of child discipline existing in the mid 50’s.
She kept my Mother outside the nursery, while she discussed them all. She thought one of them, done correctly, would make her 2 year-old manageable.
The problem was, her Allen was a “Hitter.” Using his fists, he hit everyone,
even his parents & care - providers. He was so violent no one would care for him. Nothing she had tried helped; not rewards, isolation, spanking, or even tying his hand down. Now, in desperation, she was trying the “Magic Grandma” she had heard about. My Mom.
Inside the nursery I had gotten Allen settled. When Mom came in he was trucking
blocks across the table with Ken, one of our regulars. Everything seemed peaceful.
Abruptly, for no apparent reason, Allen hit Ken. Responding, Ken struck Allen with
his truck. Allen drew his fist back to strike again. Mom caught it. Holding it firmly, she lifted Ken into the
next chair with her other hand & sat between the two. “I can’t allow you to hit each other,” she said,
“& I know you don’t want to do that. If you must hit someone, hit me. I can’t be hurt.”
Ken refused.
Allen, after a puzzled moment, hit her experimentally. She nodded & smiled. He hit her several more times with more force,
then lost control. Humming, Mom looked straight ahead, a smile on her face & calm in her eyes. She seemed to be an indestructible force pretending to be human. It was a sight
I’ve never forgotten.
Allen’s fists blurred & seemed to vanish as bruises appeared on Mom’s
arm. He started crying & his swings became wild; sometimes connecting & sometimes hitting nothing. Weeping, he broke off the attack, but Mom seemed not to notice
until he slumped against her. Then, still humming softly, she put her arm around him & rocked. I offered tissues,
but she warned me away.
Finally Allen looked at Mom as if seeing her for the first time. Sniffing, he wiped
his nose on his shirt sleeve. Mom gave him a tissue & he wiped his eyes, then she gently finished the job. Standing, she lifted him & carried him around the room, whispering in his ear. He
frowned, then smiled, then laughed.
Beaming, Mom stood him on the floor. “I see you like our secret,” she
said. “If you forget, I’ll help you remember.” Allen nodded, then ran to play with Ken. They became
friends.
On the following Sundays I sometimes saw Allen make a fist & start to hit someone.
He always stopped & ran to Mom. Tugging urgently on her skirt, he would cry,
“Grandma! Secret!” She always bent down & whispered in his ear. He always laughed & ran back to
his play.
Children’s Riddle: The Course says, “What is not love is always fear & nothing else.” (T-15.X.4:5) If this is true, can we really
fear someone we love?
Course Clue: “Complexity is of the ego & is nothing more than the ego’s
attempt to obscure the obvious.” (T-15.IV.6:2)
Editorial:
Survivors, support group need one another
Carolina Morning News
Hope Cottage Inc., the nonprofit providing children's advocacy & rape crisis services in the Lowcountry,
is taking on another traditionally taboo topic. Starting Tuesday, the organization will offer a weekly support group for male survivors of sex abuse. The "Breaking the Silence" meetings are a crucial step in beginning the healing process, experts say.
It
also can be a giant leap for men grappling w/the "taboo" factor, feeling defenseless, misperceptions
of homosexuality & misplaced shame.
The
facts dispel the myths. Many male survivors were abused as children, when they were smaller & physically defenseless
against adult perpetrators. Of the children who were counseled for abuse last year in the Lowcountry, about 1/2 were male. And generally, most sex abusers are male & heterosexual.
Attendees have an opportunity Tuesday to not only
share their stories of abuse, perhaps for the first time, but to hear about others' experiences.
"There’s
something powerful about being able to name the evil, name the crime," said Shauw Chin Capps, Hope Cottage executive director.
There's
also power in numbers.
Support group facilitator Wade Bishop, also a male survivor, said finding out
they're not alone is an important part of victims' learning to "live with" the abuse.
The group's overall goal is to show men the effects of abuse on their lives & the steps to recovery, all in a safe & confidential environment.
Hope Cottage & Bishop
already have taken the first step. Now it's up to survivors in the 4 counties served by the organization to take the next,
often daunting step.
As of Thursday, only one man had committed to the first meeting. Attendance is a personal decision that each survivor should make. But the problem with
issues deemed unspeakable is that silence only compounds their effect on the victims while allowing offenders to continue
the abuse.
By speaking out to fellow survivors or to law enforcement authorities,
these men can eliminate the power an abuser has to affect their well-being psychologically, emotionally & physically. The shame of abuse is transferred to where it should’ve always been - on the offender
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Defenseless Children
Center
helps kids caught in juvenile justice system
By Elizabeth Wu
When Miriam Jones discovered the Children's Law Center
after weeks of searching for help with her grandchildren's case, she says she almost fell over.
"Somebody cares!" she said.
Based in Covington but expanding to Ohio, the Children's Law Center is a legal service
center established in 1989. Its goal is to protect the rights of children thru legal representation, research, policy work, training & education of attorneys
& others about the rights of children. All of their services are free to children & families.
Jones (a
pseudonym) says caution is necessary because her grandchildren's case hasn't been heard yet.
"We were told there may be retaliation," she says.
The uncertainty she feels concerning legal protocol is typical of her experience with the criminal justice system since her grandchildren
were arrested.
"It's a totally helpless feeling when no one will talk to
you," Jones says. "The public defenders will not speak with parents at all. They say they work for the children, not the parents
& it's the children's best interest they're looking out for. I beg to differ. They speak only to the children. How are
children going to understand? We were told that the
kids understand the court system because they watch
TV. I say, 'Garbage!' Children really don't understand
the seriousness of some things. It's a very frightening situation."
Kim Brooks, executive director of the Children's Law Center, says Jones' feelings of helplessness & frustration aren't unique.
"Parents often contact us when they're frustrated with the systems in place designed to help their kids," Brooks says. "Frequently they're experiencing the dilemma
of their child being yet another number among high caseloads or have a need where the child simply doesn't have access to an attorney."
Last year the center collaborated w/the American Bar Association's National Juvenile
Defender Center & the Juvenile Justice Coalition to research Ohio's defense system for indigent juveniles. The study included
surveying of judges, magistrates, defense attorneys, detention center superintendents, interviews with hundreds of incarcerated
youths & visits to juvenile courts.
In March 2003 the center released the report, Justice Cut Short: An Assessment
of Access to Counsel & Quality of Representation in Juvenile Delinquency Proceedings in Ohio.
"No particular counties were singled out," Brooks says. "We did use secondary data, however, available thru county juvenile
court annual reports, to indicate problem areas. In this respect, several areas were of concern regarding Hamilton County practices; i.e., 25% of the kids in the adult prison system come from this county.
Also, there were dozens of young kids being detained & I mean kids as young as 8-10 years old, in the detention center."
The study found Hamilton County has the highest detention rate of any of the major
metropolitan areas, 250% more per capita than Cleveland & 200% more per capita than Columbus, according to Brooks.
"Yet even with this high number, the felony adjudication rate is the same as Cleveland, so it’s hard to make an
argument we have kids committing more serious offenses here," she says. "Probably even more disturbing, however, is that 50 to 60% of kids in the delinquency system, by the county's
own statistics, go without lawyers thru this process. There are concerns not only about kids not getting lawyers, but the
quality of representation provided as well."
Jones says the report opened her eyes.
"I read that report & was appalled," she says. "How many children are in there that don't need to be, because they were lost in the system? I'm afraid there's a lot of racial tones there. Much of it’s political. They say children are read their rights.
Tell me a frightened-to-death kid, handcuffed & thrown into a police car - in that kind of situation, what kid is going to think rationally? A lot of them, if they think they're innocent & they don't go with public defenders, they don't have a chance."
Juvenile Court Judge Thomas R. Lipps acknowledges the wide span of the report & the detailed work that went into it. However, he believes it has holes, especially regarding some of the positive aspects of the Hamilton County court system.
For example, Lipps says Hamilton County is the only county in Ohio to require public
defenders for trials that could result in a child going to an adult jail.
"All the cases where kids are facing severe restraint of liberty - we make sure every one of those kids has an attorney,"
he says. "Some think all kids coming into juvenile court should have an attorney. I think it's wrong to force juvenile defendants & their parents to have an attorney if they don't want one &
pay for it or have the taxpayer pay for it."
Lipps says there's another positive trait unique to Hamilton County Juvenile Court.
"We have a juvenile public defender's office right there in the courthouse," he says. "They'll see (juveniles) w/out an appointment there & then. It's very convenient & easy for them
to have access to public defenders."
A lot of time went into preparing the report, but its criticism of Hamilton County
is sometimes off the mark, according to Lipps.
"It appears to be critical of the fact that Hamilton County sends more kids over to adult systems than other counties,"
he says. "I think we're correct on this. Several years ago the legislature made mandatory some of the things we're doing here.
There's a lot of good things about Hamilton County Juvenile Court & I fear when I read these that people might think we're lousy courts."
Eileen Cooper Reed, executive director of the Children's Defense Fund Ohio, a nonprofit
organization that does policy & advocacy work, says she speaks from experience when she criticizes the juvenile justice
system.
"I know (the report) is accurate," she says. "I used to be a juvenile court
referee. It's unquestionable there's a lack of (legal) representation for African Americans
& that African Americans are over-represented in the justice system."
Jones, who studied criminal justice in college & worked for a while in law enforcement,
says most people find out about the juvenile justice system only thru personal experience. "Nobody knows until somebody gets pushed into it," she says. "And the problem is, once you get in the system, you stay in the system. By keeping kids in the system, they're creating
criminals." ©
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Violating Personal
Integrity
by Jan-Otto
Ottoson, Professor in Göteborg (Sweden) the translation from the german article
"Schutzlose Kinder" made by Joe Cisar
Defenseless Children
Problems like fear, apprehension, difficulty in concentrating; apathy, feelings of guilt, visual & audio-hallucination & contemplation of suicide have been reported by former cult members who
were subjected to one-sided influence under authoritarian forms.
Under the protection of freedom of religion, personal integrity was violated & the United Nations
conventions on the rights of children weren’t respected.
Children are easier made victims of indoctrination than are adults. In
the United Nations convention of 1989, it was determined about the rights of children that children have the full dignity of a person, beyond which they have a special right to protection & care to ensure normal physical, mental & social
development.
Children may not be robbed of their rights to good health care & to prevention of illness. Shouldn't the minimum requirement
for state support be respect for the conventions of the United Nations?
Indoctrination
Destructive cults have an anti-democratic flavor in that thought, emotion & behavior are directed from above, questioning is condemned & intuition is hindered.
Mental, physical
& financial exploitation can turn a curious, idealistic young person into a one-sided, insecure, humorless robot. Threat, punishment, obedience training & accusations are the methods used. Involvement
in the cult hinders development & maturation & in retrospect is experienced as a vacuum in life.
The crass motives of the so-called Scientology "Church" has recently
been uncovered. [1] The significance in religion or politics of indoctrination or brainwashing,
in the sense of one-sided influence in authoritarian forms that permit no criticism or discussion, has long been known.[2]
Aroused feelings of guilt & shame can lead to black-white thinking & evaluations that have no factual basis. The strong effects of mass suggestion have been exploited in cynical fashion. Indoctrination is carried out deliberately
& is often done so that the subjects have no knowledge of what’s happening.
It would be difficult to assert that indoctrination doesn’t also
emerge in education, child-rearing or in information disseminated by the mass media.
Healthy religiosity is built on a humanist image of people with an
emphasis on freedom, reflection, responsibility & civic awareness. In the same spirit, it enables the fundamental respect for equal values of all people &
the freedom & dignity of individuals. The same foundation is prescribed by religious
freedom. Where should priorities lie when a religion (or rather its leaders & practitioners) violates human freedom & human rights?
It wouldn’t be appropriate to put religious freedom at issue when it’s being abused as much as other freedoms. Increased information & insight must, however, suffice for even the worst of scenarios. The daily decisions concerning people have to be respected in the interest of freedom.
[1]
Behar R., The thriving cult of greed and power, Time 1991 May 6
[2] Sargant, Der Kampf um die Seelen, Stockholm: Natur und Kultur 1958
UNICEF - The Convention on the Rights of the Child
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