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A note to my visitors....
I had to add "demeaned" because so many people are feeling demeaned in today's world.... I see it written everywhere! Check it out here, if you're
feeling demeaned, maybe something here will help you!
kathleen
welcome! to emotional feelings, 4!
after looking things over here at emotional feelings, 4,
try out "the layer down under," (part of the emotional feelings
network of sites) & read a special "i just gotta say it" column concerning porn addiction by clicking here! Be sure to scroll down towards the bottom of the right hand column to find it!
just
another great suggestion... visit the homepage! you can read more about the emotional feelings network of sites there, as well
as, a heads up about who is feeling what emotions within the network each month!
How this site works best for you!
You'll
notice that there are many underlined link words in each article below. The reason for this is that you have reached not only, "emotional
feelings, 4," but the emotional feelings network of sites. There are many sites included
within the network that'll be visited by clicking on these underlined link words.
If you can't find what you came
here looking for, visit the homepage for the emotional feelings network of sites by clicking above & read the options on
the homepage for the networks index of sites. Try to be specific when looking for an emotion or feeling word & click on the site you need!
It's very simple & very
interesting to follow your way thru the layers of your buried or stuffed emotions & feelings that have accumulated throughout the years!
when you've reached this point, or this website, you know you're making
progress!!!! this part gets difficult because now is the time to look within & become emotionally honest with yourself!!!
Best of luck & if you're
still stuck, send me an e-mail anytime, by clicking here & I'll be glad to send you an immediate personal response!
Sincerely,
Kathleen
Littleton Teacher Says She's Targeted For Being A Lesbian
Parents Accuse Romeo Of Bullying, Threatening Students
POSTED: 7:04 am MDT April 21, 2005
UPDATED: 11:56 am MDT April 21, 2005
LITTLETON, Colo. - An elementary
school teacher in Littleton said she's being targeted for dismissal because she's a lesbian.
Coronado Elementary School
teacher Susan Romeo has been called a bully & has been accused of intimidating teachers, students & parents. Jefferson County Schools Superintendent Cynthia Stevenson has recommended she be fired.
Romeo said a group of parents
has organized to monitor her classroom & has held meetings to get rid of her.
District spokesman Rick Kaufman
said Stevenson's recommendation has nothing to do with Romeo's sexual preference. He said it's based on the findings made
by a team consisting of a school district lawyer & investigator.
Romeo teaches the school's
gifted & talented 3rd & 4th grade students. Some parents say that she has yelled at their children, demeaned them & told them that they'll never be smart.
Lisabeth Smith is one of 17
parents who have transferred their children out of Romeo's class since 2001. Smith pulled out her son in October 2004.
"(My son) was telling me that
he was afraid of her, that he didn't want to go to school, begging me to homeschool him," Smith said.
Other parents claim that their
children became physically ill when they had to go to Romeo's class.
"It doesn't have anything
to do with her sexual orientation. I don't care what she does outside school," Michele Eigel told the Denver Post. Eigel pulled her son out of Romeo's class when he told
her that he was being picked on by his teacher.
Romeo contends she's sensitive to the needs of others & there are many other parents & teachers who support her.
She's been on paid administrative
leave since November.
Investigators Look Into Jeffco Teacher's Actions In Classroom
One Parent Says Her Son Scared Of Susan Romeo
POSTED: 12:31 pm MST November 24, 2004
UPDATED: 1:12 pm MST November 24, 2004
DENVER - A teacher in a program
for gifted & talented students is under investigation for alleged inappropriate behavior in the classroom.
The Jefferson County Sheriff's
Office is launching an investigation of teacher Susan Romeo after several parents came forward with allegations of misconduct
last month.
A detective with the department's
crimes against children unit was given the case Tuesday. Romeo has already been on paid, administrative leave for a month,
7NEWS reported.
Lisabeth Smith pulled her
son out of Romeo's gifted class at Coronado Elementary in October.
"(My son) was telling me
that he was afraid of her, that he didn't want to go to school, begging me to homeschool him," Smith said.
"I called the licensing
board. I called the Board of Education. I called the police again to see what their follow-up was," Smith said.
She's one of several parents
to contact 7NEWS with complaints about Romeo's teaching tactics. Smith has also filed a complaint with the Jefferson County
Sheriff's Department.
The department confirms
it's now investigating Romeo & the school district has been doing its own investigation for more than a month.
"They say they're investigating
her, have put her on administrative leave, but they won't tell anyone how they're going about the investigation," Smith said.
The School Board confirms
it's looking into accusations of "inappropriate behavior" in the classroom. Now, parents of Romeo's students are being summoned
for private meetings on Dec. 1 & Dec. 2 with a risk management team & an attorney for the district as part of the
ongoing investigation.
Since 7NEWS' last story,
we did receive one phone call from a parent who said the allegations against Romeo are totally false. Our calls to Romeo weren't
returned.
Red Light! Don’t cross the line of good parenting
Patricia K. Cronin, LCSW-C
Imagine how you
might feel if someone you loved & trusted yelled at you every time you made a mistake, belittled you with words like “lazy” & “stupid,” or constantly compared you unfavorably to someone else.
Unfortunately,
that scenario plays out every day for far too many children – children who come from all walks of life & in all colors & sizes. It’s called emotional or mental abuse & it’s perhaps the most insidious kind of assault,
as its wounds often go undetected
for years & can do irreparable damage.
Children who are its victims
more often than not grow up lacking empathy, self-esteem, healthy conflict resolution & interpersonal skills. And, as with physical
& sexual abuse, emotional abuse frequently becomes cyclical, handed down from parent to
child, thru several generations.
But let’s step back
a bit & look more closely at the problem. We have all, as parents, felt out of control with our kids at one time or another, usually because we are frustrated,
tired, or under some sort of stress. And sometimes we act on it, insensitively snapping orders, or saying unkind things we don’t mean.
So, when do these
outbursts cross over the line & become emotional abuse?
According to James Garbanno,
a nationally recognized expert on emotional abuse from Cornell University’s Family Life Development
Center, we've crossed the line when it becomes “a
chronic pattern that erodes & corrodes a child, not just a few isolated incidents.”
Dr. Arthur Green,
Director of the Family Center at New York’s Columbia Presbyterian
Medical Center, agrees. “We’re talking about the kind of things that a good parent may do 10% of the time, but a troubled parent does 80% or 90% of the time.”
At The Family Tree,
we believe that all parents want the best for their children, but for a variety
of reasons – stress, poor parenting skills, mental illness, social isolation, or inappropriate expectations – some parents harm their children.
Sadly, the vast
majority of these parents feel they must inflict this kind
of assault on their kids in order to “make them mind,”
or in other words, to control their behavior at home & in public.
Unfortunately,
however, it becomes a vicious cycle. As children feel increasingly more shamed, frightened, demeaned & angry, they will often fight back in both words
& deeds to “save face” & maintain some
level of control over their lives.
So, what can we
all do to prevent emotional hurt or abuse of any kind?
Count to ten, when you need to.
Learn to walk away from a situation
when you feel you're losing control. Excuse yourself by saying, “Let’s talk about this when we both cool down,” leave the room, count to ten & take a few deep breaths.
By the
time you regain control, the situation has often de-escalated sufficiently on both sides & rational, thoughtful & meaningful interaction can take place.
Address the behaviors, without
attacking the character. The most common form
of emotional abuse between parent & child is name-calling. Labels such as “lazy” & “good for nothing” are character assaults that attack & destroy self-worth.
Keep the focus on behaviors, instead. And make sure you spell out – &
follow thru on - a reasonable & appropriate consequence,
preferably a lost privilege of some sort, for undesirable
behavior.
For example, when
your youngster fails to clean up his room for the third
day in a row, open the fourth discussion with “I feel so frustrated when you don’t pick up your room after I have asked you to. So until you finish the job, you can't go bike riding with your friends.”
Avoid the proverbial “battle
of the wills.” We’ve all been there.
It’s 8:00 in the morning & you’re getting
your 4-year-old ready for preschool.
You have chosen
a lovely little Gap outfit for the occasion, but she would
rather wear her red fleece sweatpants with a blue &
orange halter top & cowgirl boots. Mortified at the thought
of your daughter showing up at school in this get-up, you steel yourself for battle.
Quickly, your patient
entreaties dissolve into shrieking epithets, while her forceful demands become piercing howls that could wake the dead. Finally, after resorting to intimidation, you get your way. But, you both leave the house angry & resentful & you of course feel unbelievably guilty.
So, how can you
change this lose-lose situation into a win-win? By offering rational choices. As children grow from toddlerhood to adolescence, they naturally develop a need for greater individuality & independence.
It’s up to us,
as parents, to steer this independence toward good choices
& behavior. The best way to avoid battles of the will is to allow your child to choose between
one or more options, any of which will result in the outcome
that you, the parent, feel is best.
For example, in
the clothing wars – a choice between two Gap ensembles
of different styles & colors would have solved everyone’s
dilemma.
Don’t be afraid to apologize. Let’s face it. We all make
mistakes, losing our tempers & wishing we could simply
start over again. When it happens, do what you would do with
another adult – apologize. Children need to know that adults can admit when they do something wrong
Never miss an opportunity
to compliment your child on good behavior. Child
development experts agree that parents should accentuate
the positive whenever possible, as a way to eliminate the negative. Therefore, when your kids are caught doing something good,
let them know that you know. Make sure that you link praise to behavior.
For instance, “you
did a great job clearing the table today,” or “your room looks spectacular since you put your toys away.”
The result –
your kids will feel competent, valuable
& loved. And, isn’t that what we are all about as parents?
Seek professional help if you need it. If you believe that you've crossed the line into emotional abuse, or are afraid you might, seek professional help immediately from a family counselor. Or, call our Family Stressline at 1-800-243-7337. It’s available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
As seen in Baltimore’s Child, April, 2002. Reprinted and Web published by permission from Baltimore’s
Child Magazine.
Parenting: Toughest job in the world
by Angie Hooper
Family Advocacy Program
"Parenting is probably the
toughest yet the most rewarding job you will ever have."
How many of us have heard
that expression before we became parents? I can remember hearing it, though to be honest, I never really understood the true meaning of it until I started raising my own family.
Most parents will tell you
that parenting is a difficult job. After all, it's a 24-hour-a-day job with no vacation. If you're a parent reading this &
think parenting isn't very difficult, then maybe you should take a look at how much effort you're putting into it & if your
methods are benefiting your children.
Parenting can be very stressful. You receive no training & little support. Hopefully, you have family & friends who can give you helpful advice or listen to your everyday frustrations.
If you're part of a military family,
the mobile lifestyle makes parenting more challenging & getting support can at times be very difficult.
Past experience
The only real training we
can put on our résumé for parenting are the experiences we had growing up in our own families. Everyone comes from different
backgrounds & has stories to tell, some good, some bad. But how do we know what good parenting is? What is bad parenting?
What are healthy methods to use when raising a child?
Take a look at the discipline
methods your parents used & how they affected your life. Look at the relationship you had with your parents. Was it one
of mutual respect & love? Was it a relationship where you felt love no matter what?
Did you always feel safe?
Could you talk to them about problems without fearing what their response would be?
Did your parents punish you
in a way that made you feel bad about yourself? Were you demeaned & put down? Did your
parents yell all the time?
Our
past is a significant part of who we are. We learn from things done right & mistakes made along the way. This is
how we grow into who we are. When you look at your past as a learning tool, it can help you decide what changes you want to
make.
Expectations
When exploring different parenting
methods, you should look 15 to 20 years down the road. What qualities & values would you like to see your children possess?
Educate yourself by reading development & discipline books, attending parenting classes & collecting information from
your family's & friends' experiences.
If you know what to expect
developmentally from your child, you'll be better able to accept changes in them & have more realistic expectations. Have an open mind when it comes to what discipline techniques you want to use within your family.
Remember, this is your family
- not your parents' family. If respect & love are what you want your family to represent, then treat your children as
you'd want someone to treat you. Whatever discipline method you choose, make sure all those involved with the child agree
& are consistent in following thru.
You should pat yourself on
the back for putting forth the effort in becoming the best parent you can be to your children.
Abuse
Unfortunately, not every child
has a parent willing to become a more effective parent. Some children don't experience a life filled with love & mutual
respect. Rather, they live a life filled with fear.
Child abuse is an unpleasant topic. We know it occurs, maybe it happens in our own homes. Maybe it happened to you when you were a child.
Some parents may not even realize they're being abusive. They think it's for the child's benefit.
Child abuse comes in many forms - physical, mental, sexual & neglect - for many reasons. Lack of knowledge regarding child development can lead to abuse.
When parents have unrealistic
expectations, parents may feel the child is being intentionally defiant when, in reality, the child can't meet the expectation because she or he isn't developmentally ready.
Parents using spanking as
a discipline method can easily get carried away & take out the day's frustrations on the child. Before you know it, abuse
has occurred.
Education
Raising a healthy child doesn't
end with the completion of childbirth education class. Educate yourself on how to create a healthy environment for your children.
Educate yourself about everything that has to do with children & families.
If you need some help, give Family Advocacy a call at 301-619-3404 & see what parenting classes & support
services are available.
It takes a community to raise
a child & family advocacy would like to be part of helping you reach your goals to becoming a better parent & preventing child abuse.
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The Law of Parental Alienation In Ohio
By Douglas B. Dougherty, Attorney At Law,2955 Donnylane Blvd.,Columbus,
OH 43235, (614) 798-1933, phone - (614) 798-1935, fax
I. Parental Alienation is Relevant to Child Custody Decisions
In considering a child custody issue,
a court must consider evidence of parental alienation. In determining the best interest of a child, a court must consider all relevant factors. R.C. 3109.04(F)(1). Attempts by
one parent to destroy a child’s relationship with the other parent are certainly relevant to a determination of a child’s
best interest.
It is the public policy of the State
of Ohio for both parents to have full involvement in a child’s life where appropriate. The Ohio Supreme Court
recently observed:
"The best interest of
a child encompasses not only the home environment,
but also the involvement of both parents. In today’s society that fully admits the need for parenting by both parents. Each
parent should have full involvement in a child’s life where possible & desired by the parent." Davis v. Flickinger (1997),
77 Ohio St. 3d 415, 419.
Various courts of appeal
have also recognized this public policy. The Athens County Court of Appeals has noted that public policy favors a child’s maintaining a
close and on-going relationship with both parents. Cordon v. Gordon (October 19, 1987), Athens App. No. 1334.
The Pike County Court
of Appeals has noted that children need to know both parents love them. Beekman v. Beekman (1994), 96
Ohio App. 3d 783. The Beekman court also observed that each parent has a duty to foster & encourage a child’s love & respect for the other parent. Id.
II. Parental Alienation is Harmful to Children
Attempts by one parent to
alienate a child from the other parent are harmful to the best interest of the child. In Davis, the Ohio Supreme Court observed:
"When one parent begins
to cut out another parent, especially one that has been fully involved in that child’s life, the best interest
of the child is materially affected." Davis
supra at 419.
Various courts of appeal have
recognized the harms that result from parental alienation. The Athens County Court of Appeals has noted that "systematic interference" with visitation rights injures a child &
deprives the child of "nurturing, support & companionship" from the other parent. Holm v. Smilowitz (1992), 83 Ohio App. 3d 757,
at 777.
The Pike County Court of Appeals
has commented on the extent of harm that a child may suffer when one parent attempts to alienate the child from the other parent. The Beekman Court observed:
"It is the duty of each
parent to foster & encourage the child’s love & respect for the other parent & the failure from that duty is as harmful to the child as is the failure to provide food, clothing, or shelter. Perhaps it's more harmful because no matter how well fed or well clothed, a child
can't be happy if he or she feels unloved by one parent. Id. At 789 (emphasis
added to original).
Psychological & sociological
literature clearly documents the specific harms that can occur when one parent has alienated a child from the other parent. See Richard A. Gardner, The Parental Alienation Syndrome (1992); David Popenoe,
Life Without Father (1996).
III. Examples of Parental Alienation Behavior
Parental Alienation encompasses many types of inappropriate behaviors. The Ohio Legislature has specifically recognized & condemned several types of parental alienation behavior in the statute defining the best interest of the child. R.C. 3109.04(F)(1).
Specifically, the statute
recognizes that a parent shouldn't continuously & willfully deny the other parent his/her right to visitation. R.C. 3109.04(F)(1)(i). Similarly, the statute recognizes that a parent should honor & facilitate the other parent’s visitation rights. R.C. 3109.04 (F)(1)(f).
The concept of
parental alienation goes beyond the mere recognition & enforcement of visitation rights. Indeed, an alienating parent may allow all visitation to occur, but may actively attempt to destroy a child’s relationship with the other
parent in many other ways. Ohio courts have recognized & condemned many types of alienation behavior other than mere denials of, or interference with, visitation rights.
The Ohio Supreme Court has commented
on several types of alienation behavior. The Davis court noted that a parent shouldn't engage in behavior that increases hostility & frustrates cooperation between the parents. Davis supra at 417, 419-420. Similarly, a parent shouldn't file an unfounded
motion to terminate the visitation rights of the other parent. Id. at 419.
Numerous Ohio appellate courts
have condemned various types of alienation behavior. The Franklin County Court of Appeals has unanimously noted that a court may consider which parent is more likely
to encourage the sharing of love, affection & contact with the other parent. Klamforth v. Klamforth (April 9, 1996), Franklin App. No. 95 APF 10-1396; see
Stevens v. Stevens (February 10, 1997), Preble App. No. CA96-07-010.
Conversely, a court may consider
whether a parent has attempted to turn the child against another parent. Grant v. Grant (July 21, 1989), Wood App.
No. WD-88-29.
Specifically, a court may consider
if a parent has told a child that the other parent may harm or even kill the child. Id.
A court may consider whether
a parent has demeaned another parent in the presence of a child. Holm supra;
Stevens supra.
A court may also consider whether
a parent has encouraged a child to be disobedient & disrespectful regarding the other parent. Beekman supra.
A court may also consider whether
a parent has talked to a child about the litigation. Grant supra.
A court may consider whether an alienating parent has attempted to involve third parties. Grant supra.
A court may also consider whether
a parent’s parents (that is, a child’s grandparents) are also involved in alienation behavior. Beekman supra.
A court may consider whether a parent
has made unfounded allegations of abuse. Holm supra; Beekman supra; Barton v. Dean (February 20, 1990), Madison App. No. CA89-08-013.
Finally, a court may consider
whether there is any evidence indicating that an alienating parent will stop his behavior in the future. Stevens supra.
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Bullying: An Epidemic of Cruelty
By Noami Drew
Every time I work in schools
I hear stories about how kids are so mean to each other. This is confirmed by many experts who are now saying there's an epidemic of cruelty among kids in our country.
In fact, The Sesame Workshop
recently came out with a study about what children ages 6-11 are most afraid of. At the top of the list was bullying. How have things gotten to this point?
The facts are alarming. 1 in 7 kids are bullies or victims of bullies & 5 million elementary / middle school kids are directly affected each year. One quarter of all bullies end up with a criminal record. 160,00 kids a day miss school for fear of the way they'll be treated by peers.
Everyone loses when bullying takes place: the bully, the victim & the observers. Each
time you look the other way, you enable bullying to continue. Bullying can diminish ability to learn in school. It is possible to get a handle on bullying, but the whole school community needs to get involved.
DISTINGUISHING BETWEEN Bullying & TEASING
Bullying happens when a stronger, more powerful person hurts or frightens a smaller or weaker person (or someone who is perceived to be that way) deliberately
& repeatedly.
It differs from teasing in 2 ways.
When someone bullies, they have the intent to do harm, whereas teasing can be intended as playful even though it often ends up hurting the other person. Also, bullying is persistent.
Teasing can be an on-again,
off- again thing. What we need to remember about teasing is this:
if it hurts the other person it's NOT okay.
Often the person who does
the teasing will tell the person who is being teased to be a good sport or have a sense of humor. If the teasing hurts, this is an unreasonable request. No one should ever be expected to tolerate words or actions that make him or her feel demeaned.
STEPS PARENTS CAN TAKE IF YOU THINK YOUR CHILD IS
BEING Bullied
1. If you suspect your child
is being bullied & he denies it, ask the following questions:
Are there any bullies in your
class?
Who does the bully pick on?
Why does the
bully pick on certain people?
Are you one of them?
2. Believe your child if he
tells you he is being bullied.
Listen intently & determine
if the behavior he tells you about is persistent & demeaning. If you feel that what
your child describes falls into the category of teasing, ask what measures he has taken to alleviate the problem.
See if there's anything he's doing
to encourage the teaser & role-play ways he can address the situation himself.
If it continues, talk to the
teacher.
If what your child describes
actually turns out to be bullying, then go to step 3.
3. Contact
your child’s teacher. Ask him or her to:
Intervene.
Monitor the safety of your child.
Give the bully consequences.
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