Denial is the psychological process by which human beings protect themselves from things which threaten them by blocking knowledge of those things from their awareness.

It's a defense which distorts reality; it keeps us from feeling the pain & uncomfortable truth about things we don't want to face.

If we can't feel or see the consequences of our actions, then everything's fine & we can continue to live without making any changes.

Denial comes in many forms. It's not just for chemical dependents either. If you're human, you have denial about something: your relationships, your behavior, your health, your family, etc.

We all want everything to "be fine."

We have denial to keep us from pain.

For persons who're chemically dependent, to keep their denial is to die. In the process, they create pain for those around them & they have denial about that, too. To recover, they need to see their denial & see how it works so that they can loosen the grip of their addictions.

Denial is replaced by the truth & acceptance. To be in denial feels like anger, fear, shame & isolation. Instead of being cold & cut off from themselves & others, they can be warm & begin to grow again.

Listed below are common defenses, or forms of denial. We use all forms of denial, although there are some that become our favorites.  

1. Simple Denial: Simply denying being chemically dependent. Example:

• "You're an alcoholic.""No, I'm not."

2. Minimizing: Minimizing is admitting the alcohol-related problem to some degree, but in such a way that it appears to be much less serious or significant than it actually is. 

•  "I wasn't that bad at the party."

• "Yes, I drink, but not that much."

• "I had a couple, but I was OK to drive."

• "I only drink beer, not the hard stuff so it's not that bad."

are frequently heard examples of minimizing.

3. Rationalizing:Rationalizing is making excuses or giving reasons to justify your behavior about your drinking or using.

Examples:

• "I can't sleep, so I drink or use pills."

• "I had a hard day & was upset."

• "I usually don't drive after 1 drink but a friend needed a ride home - that's the last time I'm the nice guy!"

are some of the examples of rationalizing. The behavior isn't denied but an inaccurate explanation of its cause is given.

4. Intellectualizing or Generalizing: Intellectualizing is avoiding emotional, personal awareness of an alcohol-related problem by using theories about your chemical dependency, keeping it general & vague.

• "Are those breath machines really reliable? Just the other day I was reading about problems with them."

• "Lots of people have wine with meals, are they alcoholics?"

• "My family is alcoholic & I have the wrong genes."

• "My childhood was so bad, it's a way of coping with my underlying feelings."

These all are examples of intellectualizing.

5. Blaming: Blaming (also called projecting) is maintaining that the responsibility for the behavior lies somewhere else, not with us.

• "You'd drink too, if you were married to her!"
• "The cop was out to get me." 
• "I lost my job, that's what made me drink."

are examples of blaming. The behavior isn't denied, but its cause is placed 'out there', not within the person doing it.

6. Diversion: Diversion is changing the subject to avoid a subject that's felt to be threatening.

A common example of diversion is responding with a joke, such as

• "You wouldn't expect me to walk in that condition, would you?"

Other examples of diversion:

• "Yeah, I got drunk last night, so what's for dinner?"
• "My drinking bothers you? Your weight bothers me!"

7. Bargaining: Bargaining is cutting deals or setting conditions for when things will be right to deal with the problem. Examples:

• "I'll quit drinking if you quit smoking."
• "I'll quit when there's less stress at work."

8. Passivity: Passivity is ignoring the situation, or being it's victim.

• "I've tried to quit before, but it's stronger than me."
• "There's nothing I can do."
• "If only I had more will power..."

are examples of passivity.

9. Hostility: Hostility occurs when the person becomes angry or unpleasantly irritable when the subject of his drinking or using is mentioned, scaring or threatening people away from discussing it.

A classic example is the situation where the drinker asserts that his wife doesn't mention that he drinks too much. In fact she used to mention it, but hasn't for years because every time she mentioned it in the past he got angry & they had a fight - so, she doesn't mention it any more.

Examples of hostility:

• "l'm lousy in bed when I'm drunk? Fine, no more sex."
• "Get off my back!" "You like my paychecks, don't you?"

Denial is automatic; it's not usually a matter of deliberate lying or willful deception. Most dependent people don't know what's true or false concerning their drinking or drug use & its consequences.

They're blinded to the fact that their view of the situation doesn't conform to reality. The denial system distorts their perception & impairs their judgment so they become self-deluded & incapable of accurate self-awareness.

Denial is progressive. The denial system becomes increasingly more pervasive & entrenched as the illness of chemical dependency progresses.

Denial

A Symptom of Alcoholism

One of the most frustrating factors in dealing with alcoholism, as a relative, friend or professional, is it's almost always accompanied by a phenomenon known as "denial."

In the long path the alcoholic takes toward mental, physical & moral decline, usually the first thing to go is honesty. He simply lies about his drinking. Little lies at first.

I only had two... I haven't had a drink in a week... I don't drink as much as he does...

As the alcoholic begins to drink more & more often, he begins to hide this fact from those around him. Depending upon his circumstances he may drink openly, but usually he'll conceal the amount he drinks, by not drinking around those who are closest to him.

If someone tries to discuss his drinking with him, he simply refuses to talk about it, or dismisses it as not a real problem. After all, he's a big boy now & he can drink if he wants to, it's nobody else's business.

Clues To a Problem

But these simple acts of denial, lying about his drinking or refusing to discuss it, are clues that the alcoholic himself deep down inside knows that he has a problem. If it's not a problem, why lie about it to anyone? To protect them?

But the true alcoholic, the person that has the disease, covers up & denies his drinking out of his own feelings that there's something different or "wrong" about it. Somewhere inside he realizes that his drinking means more to him that he's willing to admit.

As the disease progresses & his drinking begins to cause real problems in his life, remarkably the denial likewise increases. Even though his sprees have gotten him into some real trouble, he denies it has anything to do with his drinking. Some say this is purely a defense mechanism.

How is this possible? Usually by the time the disease has gotten to the crisis point, he has developed a support system of family & friends who unwittingly enable him to continue in his denial.

Because they love the affable, clever & witty alcoholic, they act to protect him by covering for him, doing the work that he doesn't get done, paying the bills that he doesn't pay, rescuing him from his scrapes with the law & generally taking up the responsibilities he has abandoned.

Protecting the alcoholic

He can't come in to work today, he's got a, er, virus... We've got to get him out of jail, he'll lose his job! Then what will we do... It was my fault, officer, I said some things I should not have said...

By doing these things, they're protecting the