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Imagine yourself as the newborn
baby you once were. Whether you're a man, woman, teen, grandma - you've somewhere in time encountered the miracle of
a new born baby. The miracle of course is the fact that the baby is pure. It hasn't suffered anything. It's beautiful, perfect
in all of our eyes. We can feel the newness, the pureness of heart & the wonder of the moment of pure innocence.
Close your eyes
to picture the very moment that you were born. Maybe you know the story of your birth, maybe not. But if you have some
kind of idea, do you know who was in the room when you were born? Who was in the waiting room of the hospital? Who waited
at home for the phone to ring, saying that the time had come?! You were born! And what was the very first thing you did?
With your knowledge
of your birth moment right this minute - how does your personal birth picture make you feel?
What is the first thing that
everyone wants to hear when a newborn baby is born? The
cry! Can you see the picture in your mind?
And so it is with every
baby that is born upon the face of the earth. Did you ever think about your own birth? What were the circumstances of your birth? When you are thinking about your own birth, what are you feeling?
Each of us has a different
story. Each of us are unique. We all had different beginnings. It's this unique, individual beginning that we build
on. As a newborn baby we are perfect. We are an empty slate that will be written upon throughout our entire lives. This is how you must think of yourself as you go through the emotion & feelings pages.
This process is how I learned that emotions & feelings were a vital part of personal growth & recovery. How can we emerge into a state of well being at a much later age, like me - beginning again at age 45! How could I understand why I was the person I was at age 45 if I didn't go backwards & see exactly what was written upon my empty slate - from
the very beginning of my life?
It's not an easy task, but I challenge you to walk through each of the sites with me as I tell you my story & how you can go back to see for yourself - how
you became the person you are today & what you can do to begin a life full of understanding & well being - both mental & physical as you find your own wisdom!
I'm sure
you can think of all the possibilities that the babies being born into the world today might encounter. What's being written upon their clean
black slates? Just as when you were born, every experience in every time is different. We're all individuals with our
own story, with our own unique journey.
When I began with the websites,
I began with the mental health site, anxieties 101. I was traveling blindly in determining what to do and where to go with the website!
It became apparent to me
after several weeks of counseling sessions that if I were to learn about mental illness - I would have to take personal responsibility for finding the information I needed to have. I realized that the system wasn't designed to give me what I truly needed. Therefore, I had to search the vastness of the Internet for my own information until I did have an understanding that I felt comfortable with. My problem was then, "how to use a computer and how to search the Internet!" I was completely computer and Internet
illiterate!
It took some time
for me to understand it all. I had NO clarity of thought. I had confusion, hurt & I felt as though I was stumbling through a thick fog. I was living in such turmoil & pain that I wasn't able to start at anyone's beginning. I did the best I could under the circumstances I was dealing with. I had to wait for the medications to take hold to alleviate the severe symptoms of mental illness I was experiencing.
I also had to admit to myself that I was experiencing mental illness.
That's sometimes a tough piece of meat to cut through. I had to grasp at straws to find a starting point after living one
year in my bedroom - totally isolated from everyone. I had to "come back to life" so to speak & find some element of who I was before I could go back to my
beginnings - able to see the connections.
It's all connected. Your family history, your first, second & third year of life, pretty much establishing
by then the actual personality, temperament (additional info concerning temperament click here) of the person you are today. Believe it or not... that's how it happens & if anything disrupted what might have been a "perfect" upbringing - who knows what might transpire.
Developing coping mechanisms when our needs weren't met, pushing through the parenting techniques of an untrained parent, dealing with not enough attention, too much attention, whatever happened... it all has a bearing
on who you are right now as you read my words.
And this is why I'm using this opportunity - the fact that
Lycos messed up one of the sites that is interwoven into the network - as a positive stepping stone to introduce to you all what I've learned throughout my 5 - 6 years
of personal growth & recovery.
The first site I designed was titled, "anxiety understanding."
After awhile, the whole concept had to change because I use "free sites" offered by Tripod. There's only so much "free space" per site - & I had so much information
to share with everyone.
I had no idea in the beginning about how much information
I would need to acquire an adequate understanding of mental health & mental illnesses.
"anxiety understanding" evolved into anxieties 101 after I had the benefit of learning volumes about mental health & mental illness.
I'm not sure how I grasped the concept of having
to change the "whole person" to recover from mental illnesses, but I had read so many articles that stressed the importance of some basic lifestyle factors & the direct correlation between the mind/body connection.
I also learned that each age group & gender had their own individual
symptoms, problems & concerns that needed to be taken into serious consideration.
End result after many different attempts - anxieties 101 is divided into 3 major sections:
click here! Bob Woodruff: Turning Personal Injury Into Public Inquiry click here!
I was personally very touched by this inspiring story as I watched it on
television last night (2/27/07); especially after I experienced a life altering injury which took me 2 years to recover from.
What I want to ask you is...
If you can't help out with the helmets, below for our military men, can
you volunteer or help our returning soldiers who are recovering with extreme traumatic brain injury?
Here are some links!
Check them out, I know that my family will be searching for a way we can help! Remember that those with traumatic injuries might develop mental health problems.
What is Operation Helmet?
Founded in 2003 by Dr. Robert H. Meaders whose grandson is an active duty Marine in Iraq, Operation Helmet is a nonpartisan 501(c)(3) organization dedicated
to providing safer helmet pad upgrade kits to the troops in Iraq & Afghanistan.
To date, more than 6,000 kits have been shipped to the troops in the field.
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feature #1: underlined link words
I believe & work very hard to offer this special feature within all
of the emotional feelings network of sites webpages because I also believe with all my heart
that all of you are special as well. When you read thru the articles, definitions or quotations
- you'll see the underlined link words (all emotion & feeling words, as well as other specifically pertinent to recovery & personal growth words) that are offered for you to delve even further into the meaning
of the information being displayed.
The reason I believe this so important for you in recovery from many dysfunctions or personal growth efforts is that often we can't make progress until we allow
ourselves to be open to all possibilities & allow ourselves to develop a sense of curiosity.
When you click on the underlined link words - a new window will always
open - leaving you with the original window of information that you began with. You don't have to delete your original window,
just minimize it until you have looked over your new & additional information concerning the emotion or feeling underlined link word you clicked on.
There are also underlined link words for additional resources offered
to you as in:
- It's in the News... article titles you can click on that will open in a
new browser window as well - that are pertinent & up to date with information concerning the emotion or feeling word featured on the page
- Very Important Additional Resources....article titles or website addresses for additional resource information that's very valuable - no need to search the web on a search engine - these sites are pertinent & timely in their presentations
- Article & Book Titles within an article.... you'll find article links
for articles copyrighted & not posted at the authors request, but too valuable to leave
out, additional referred to articles as posted by the author of the article & links to websites that the author refers
to within the articles.
feature #2: the
emotional feelings network of sites
Throughout the 4 years I've been working on these sites, the information base has grown immensely.
Personally, my research began online with learning about mental illness when I was finally diagnosed
with an anxiety disorder & depression. With the information I obtained online - I progressed in my personal growth & recovery until I realized that
I was "stuck."
I soon found that I was "stuck" because I had many unresolved emotions & feelings that had been buried, hidden or repressed that needed to surface & be resolved. It was essential that I work on my unresolved feelings & emotions - learning to identify what I've been feeling & "not dealing with" throughout my life - to begin to resolve hurtful emotions that emerged thru all of the dysfunctional events in my life.
In beginning of
my emotion & feeling work, it began to be apparent to me that many emotions & feelings are intertwined or connected with each other. When I designed the first emotional feelings website I had to start
over with that important understanding in mind. I had to add as many emotions & feelings that I had space for.
Then I discovered
as well that our unresolved emotions & feelings are directly tied into our mental illnesses, dysfunctional thinking, false or misguided beliefs, eating disorders, lifestyle habits, etc. until I realized that the only possible option for me then was to include a network of
sites that would link everything together to offer the best chance for all visitors to emerge with a more complete understanding of what their self help journey would include if they were to be successful.
This is how I discovered
the importance of the underlined link word system. The underlined link words will
take you throughout a network of sites that pertain to many important subjects & provide you with an added "insight" of how your concern is tied in to your emotions, feelings, mental & physical health, your lifestyle factors as well as counseling, medications & thought processes & even your belief system.
See the index of sites
included within the emotional feelings network of sites directly right of this
column!
feature #3: special word definitions!
Some authors use some pretty
strange words in their articles, so i highlight words that may be difficult to understand with the color pink! the definition is then included at the bottom of that page or sometimes
directly beneath where the word is used in an article! This allows for a complete understanding of what you're reading. This
will help with your reading comprehension!
feature #4:
At the bottom of each
page there's a menu of web links to the source sites from where the articles displayed on each page came from,
unless, of course, i have accessed that information somewhere & an unknown source was listed.
feature # 5: some articles by yours truly!
you'll find the notation, "personal note:" or
sometimes just an article with my name, "kathleen," or "kathleen howe" as the author. i try to write on each homepage - every month - an article entitled, "i just gotta say it!" all participation by yours truly is totally dependent on how much time i have available for it...
Now that anxieties101 has been such a hit - I've begun anxieties102! It was time. There is so much going
on today in the world of mental health that the size restriction at anxieties101 were met
long ago. It's time for expansion in the mental health world!
Visiting The Layer Down Under: click the underlined
link!
The Layer Down Under at one time, was
included in the spare space on each site and consists of additional information that wasn't accessible thru our navigational
menu on the left hand side of each page. The Layer Down Under is a source of information concerning the tools that
you'll need to "dig in deep" while exploring your emotions & feelings.
I named it The Layer Down Under because as you'll soon discover, if you haven't already, that there
are layers & layers of unresolved emotions & feelings buried deep within each of us. To get down beneath the very first layer of
them all, you need to learn some additional information that will help you understand how to resolve those old hurts,
raw open & sore emotions that have been underlying everything you have done in your life.
Discover one emotion & be sure that it's secondary to the original or another emotion that's above the original
emotion experienced during your traumas. That's the way it works.... Just peel back the layers down under to learn more &
more buried information.
Subjects covered in The
Layer Down Under....
Addictions - Drug & Alcohol Abuse, Gambling, Smoking, and more... Becoming addicted to something is a negative coping
mechanism that we use to keep us from feeling the pain we have inside us...
Attitudes... What's yours?
We all have attitudes. Learn more about how your attitude affects your daily life & impedes your progress in self
growth & discover.....
Beliefs - Extracting False Ones....
We all have beliefs.
Most of our belief systems were formed when we were children living in a dysfunctional world... often times learned from our parents who were
dysfunctional themselves....
Body Image.... I myself have lived w/an eating disorder for most of my life, "night eating syndrome." Professionals
aren't quite sure what to do with this disorder yet. Although it was discovered in the 1950's, professionals haven't
studied much about it.... I believe that my negative body image sold me on eating at night for comfort among other things....
Read more about what people are facing these days w/their own body image issues....
Accepting Change.... Change isn't easy. We all get used to doing things a certain way &
although we may know it's not the "best" way for us that we do these things... it's so hard to accept that we have to change.
Acceptance is the first detail to work on when we're talking about changing ourselves....
Emotions
This page is just about emotions, not one in particular, but about how we deal with our emotions, the importance of
emotions, what happens to our emotions if we don't feel them & end up stuffing them - also about kids & their emotions
as well as teens!
Feelings The same goes for this "feelings page." About feelings generally, why we experience feelings, what we do with them,
what we don't do with them that we should as well as other general information concerning feelings... it's an interesting
page!
Insight
While professionals & experts, well - you know - those educated
people, maybe like you, are out their in their worlds of business, finance, and other mainstays of our modern world, there
seems to be an elemnet of doubt concerning some of the subjects contained in The Layer Down Under...
Like... how important is it for us to look for insightful information
in our every day lives?... After being raised by well educated parents who didn't know anything about "insight" I can
rightfully say that most people are letting their educations get in the way of this important factor that they're missing
out on in their educated lives.... that's right, i said it.... don't be too educated to miss out on concentrating on
the insightful information you may be missing in your daily life, this page talks about that abit!
Inspiration
Another blessing
often passed by is the gift of inspiration. How open are you to allowing yourself to be touched by an inspiring message? How
hard do some of you work to look the other way, saying, "this is crap...." instead of pondering on what could be a very inspiring
message?
Intentions
This is an interesting topic that I've wanted to cover from the beginning of my website ventures.... you could
say,
"I've had the intention
of covering this topic since the beginning of the emotional feelings network, perhaps because it hits so close to home (being a personal interest) that I've procrastinated a bit about it." Just what do your intentions
say about you as an individual? How come many of us fall short on fulfilling our good intentions? An interesting topic - are
you willing to ask yourself some important questions?
Intuition
Just how intuitive
do you allow yourself to be?
Do you hold any
stock whatsoever in what your intuition tells you? Maybe you should check out this page to find out the importance of
being open & present enough to rely on your intuition for making important decisions.
Letting Go.... Do you know how? After we discover that underneath our anger with life there's an open wound left behind from abandonment, abuse or
some other dysfunction in our past, how willing are you to sit and feel that unresolved emotion or feeling, so you can "let
go" of it & settle that account out of your life? Don't know how? This page lends some insight on that topic.
Listening... Are you an empathetic listener?
This is one of my personal vices.... I admit it. I'm not a good
listener at times, especially when it comes to my husband. I sure want him to listen to me though. The times do happen though,
when I can keep my mouth shut long enough to soak in just what he's trying to tell me, and believe me.... it's usually a very
insightful experience. It's amazing what we can learn about others as well as ourselves when we choose to keep our mouths
shut and empathetically listen to someone.
Mingling with Mindfulness...
Another faux pas of the educated community, is ignoring the
fact that most of us are not living "in the present' moment to allow ourselves to be mindful. It's how we solve some of our
most difficult blockages, by being mindful of what is happening around us, by what we encounter along the journey of self
growth. Let yourself become mindful - it takes practice, but well worth the effort.
Opinion... Everyone seems to have one.... This
is a subject that I have had trouble finding information on believe it or not.... Opinions are everywhere, available to us
everyday whether we want to listen to them or not! I like opinions. I am curious as to why people believe the way they do!
I like to ask some questions after I hear peoples' opinions & try to understand just why they think the way they do. Hoping
to learn something from someone's elses belief system is an interesting opportunity. How curious are you about someone elses'
opinions? Can you say you even care how anyone else thinks?
living in "the present"
Are you always thinking ahead or behind? Many of us are stuck in a rut of a very common avoidance behavior that involves
us being preoccupied with what we have experienced in the past, which hinders our growing in the present moment, or always
thinking ahead as to what we want to do in our future. taking the time to be "present" in your life allows you to use some
of the tools you'll find in The Layer Down Under, to be happier in your life & make some important changes.
Reflections.... how clear is your mirror of opportunity?
That's right,
how clear is your mirror of opportunity? Do you take the time
to reflect on anything? Does your behavior reflect a certain behavior you're stuck in? Do you even want to go there? Be real
with yourself, letting your authentic self be known. Take time to reflect on important subjects, be open, mindful & in
the present moment to reflect on just who you are as a person.
Risk Taking ... How Vulnerable will you allow yourself to be? Pretty good question, isn't it?
Life can be extremely hurtful to us at times.
I rely on the wisdom of a great book when I think about taking risks.... it's a book that I read when I was a teenager,
it seemed to be all the craze back then, but it's wisdom is eternal... the author, kahlil gibran in the book - The Prophet
- offers such gems as "how can you know joy if you haven't experienced sorrow?" that's what risk taking is about.... allowing
yourself to be open, maybe to sorrow, but what can you learn from that sorrow is my question to you.... what can you learn
from letting down your defensive outer shell & learning to take some risks?
Self Esteem....
if only my parents had known about this... how different would I be today? I ask myself.... it's the
topic of the moment it seems.... just how much importance do you put into your self esteem? are you just ignoring the craze?
it's not one... it's really an important topic... get where you want to be by learning more about your self esteem on this
page... this page
was moved to another site within the network! "the self pages"
spirituality
Another topic that puts us to the test... are you letting your education stand in the way of being open to spirituality?
What do you hold sacred in your belief system? I struggle with this one as well.... 12 steppers are all about their "Higher
Power,"
Christians are all about their "God"... Muslims,
Jews, Buddhists are all about who they hold sacred in their beliefs as well... what do you truly believe?.... do you think
that spirituality is only about religion? Take some time to consider your sense of spirituality in your life...
stress
Now we know that
we can be stressed even in the womb. What about that? Geez o Pete! It's amazing what research can tell us these days about
stress... learn more about keeping stress out of your life here....
Thoughts & Our Thinking Processes
Not Dinnertime conversation for us baby boomers - that's for sure...
For us it was always the line from our parents, "Because that's
what I said!" or "Because that's the way it is!" Well for us as adults, we have to examine how we think, especially
us "boomers." What we believed is most likely, not so, and how we think, is most likely slightly mixed up.... can you be real enough
with yourself to really examine & maybe even change how you think about things?
the three newest pages at the layer down under!
boundaries....: something we need to learn about for healthier relationships!
how miserable is your life because your expectations
never seem to come to fruition? perhaps we need to evaluate those expectations or get rid of them all together!
humor.... how many people do you wish had a better sense of humor?
how about yourself? did you forget that you were supposed to have one?
i recently found the article below, which i feel explains the reason why i urge visitors to
email me. i believe this concept to be very true, it's helped me enormously in dealing with some of my unresolved emotions
& feelings concerning my own personal traumas.
i also believe it answers the question that so many people have,
"why is this negative experience happening to me?"
Guilt & Unworthiness - Understanding the Meaning of Your Negative Experiences & Feelings - By UnityLove
A chapter from "You Are the Grandest Love of All - God In Human Form" by UnityLove at Counselor of the Heart.com. Copyright 2004.
Each experience we have either shows us Who We Are ... or who we are not.
Experiences help us better define Who We Are & they show us the way to making grander choices. Experiences bring great insight along with a wealth of information about ourselves.
Our experiences become our guidance ... & remind us to return to Love in every way.
Let's address
our perceptions regarding the bad or negative situations that have happened in our lives. Many of us are ashamed of some of these experiences & beat ourselves up continually because of them.
We're going to shed a new light in how we can view these experiences in a different way. Below are explanations that
we may not have considered before & could be of great assistance in helping us "understand ourselves better".
Did
we know that one way we find out Who We Really Are ...
is by experiencing who we are not?
All experiences
gift us with information … they give us the ability to compare what served us grandly & what didn't.
Are we aware … that our life up to this point in time,
along
with all our experiences & difficulties ... have now become our credentials?
Have we realized
that the experiences we perceived as bad in our past, but have risen above & overcome the challenges in … prepared us to become a teacher to others who are going thru the very same things we did?
These experiences could be of rape, depression, alcoholism, drugs or almost anything. Are we noticing that certain people show up in our life, just because we went thru those
experiences & can truly help them now?
Have we stopped to think … that this could be all part of a Master Plan going
on behind the scenes of life?
It's past time we address the guilt & unworthiness we carry within ourselves ... for it's keeping us from
our grandest action ... Loving ourselves.
Loving ourselves is the key to our Divinity.
Love opens us to the wonder we carry within us.
It allows all our dreams to come true.
We're going to address the things that we've done in our past that seem
so uncomfortable for us to bear. These are things we've put ourselves down about, beat ourselves up for, made ourselves miserable over & make ourselves less by, each minute we think about them.
There was a Divine Reason for those
experiences … Love sees it ... do you?
It's much easier to define God in terms of what God isn't ... than it
is to define God in terms of what God is. Think about this dear one, there's great wisdom in this statement.
This defining process applies to us as well.
It
becomes easier for us to define ... Who We Truly Are & would like to be ... when we re-evaluate the experiences that showed
us who we aren't.
This gives us a much clearer picture of what we don't want to express next time. It's
at that moment of feeling unhappy ... that we become aware. We gain a much clearer picture of what not to choose again.
Many times the wiser answer comes easily thru this negative experience because it just happens to be the opposite of what we chose to begin with. These particular
experiences guide us in seeing how to change our choices for the better in the future. They show the way to a grander choice of what we'd really like to
express.
Without these experiences stored within us acting as a reminder ... we'd keep repeating
the same patterns over & over.
When we've had experiences in which we didn't seem to express our best
... it becomes important to realize "what" those experiences really did do for us. These experiences left a bad taste in our mouth &
perhaps made us feel bad for they didn't work out the way we desired.
Their job was to show us ... how to make grander choices for our future ... & our job was to notice what we were being shown.
Therefore, experiencing who we are not, isn't a bad thing ... but a door-opening event to help us understand who we really would like to
be. The only reason we feel bad is because we haven't realized the grandeur in it all.
These experiences are actually Divine ... for contained within them is
a wonderful gift. The gift is "choice." When we make a grander choice than we did before, our new choice brings
about change.
Change becomes the chisel ... that rounds off the rough edges
of an unsculpted piece of art ... bringing it to its true & final beauty.
Dear one ... You
aren't only the piece of art being sculpted ... but you are the sculptor!
A negative or bad experience helps us define what we didn't like &
weren't happy with. It helps us "find" something much grander within ourselves that we might not have considered before. It
helps us realize there were different choices available to us … the choices that would have brought what we liked & what would have made us happy in that particular life situation.
These experiences happened for a reason. If we're wise, we'll make a record of what happened
... & use it to our advantage.
Once we realize what we don't want ... we open to a whole different range of choices … that can help us feel & experience better next time.
For
how can we call forth God Expression in Human Form ... if we can't define what it is?
We encounter these
negative feelings & experiences to notice there's a grander choice of Love, a better way of feeling & a more beautiful expression awaiting us.
In the case of guilt & unworthiness ... there's a grander choice of Love for ourselves awaiting us.
Each time we choose Love in any expression ... we step more fully into our Divinity. The Divine Plan works in many ways to bring us into
our grandness.
So understand, dear one ... even our negative experiences show us the way ... to God Expression in our human form.
As we carry these
past experiences & memories around within us, instead of feeling bad about them ... we need to thank them for what they've really done for us.
They're there to help remind
us not to repeat those situations again ... & they also show us the way to a better expression.
The
negative feelings we get from these experiences assist us in making grander choices the next time around … so we'll feel
better. Each time they rise within us, they remind us not to repeat that particular action, situation or experience in the
same manner we did before ... if we want to be happy, that is.
Negative reminders call out to us saying, "Hey don't forget we learned this before!"
When we take heed
... we are Re-born ... a new us arises. And it's all because of the awareness we now hold …
due to our past actions & our negative experiences.
So it's time to stop beating yourself up & putting yourself down.
It's way past time to Love yourself & hold a higher consciousness & understanding for your own sake, dear one.
Become gentler to yourself. Allow yourself to have had those experiences
... for they hold much wisdom in
what not to do again. You've gone thru something. You've learned something. You now see new & grander choices.
All
these type of things that you hold & walk around with aren't there to torment you ... but they're there to remind you
of ... "who you are not" & of the choices not to make again. Negative experiences are not your cross to carry ... they're your Angels holding the Light so you can see clearly in
a similar darkened situation.
It's all about Love ... It Always Was
It's all about finding the Love in a particular situation that challenges us. Love "was the reason" these experiences were presented to us to begin with.
In fact many of life's situations are presented exclusively to see if we can
find the Love. Finding Love for ourselves is one of our hardest challenges. When we find the Love & Love ourselves again ... that particular experience & lesson ends.
Do we know
why? Because we now know how to hold the Love being called for … even in the hardest of times. Do we not see it's all a Divine Plan to get us
to our grandest human expression yet? That is, of course, if we don't use those experiences against ourselves.
In any experience in our life all we need to do is find the Love in the experience … along with finding the Love for whomever is involved in it. We're dealt many hands in life ... some of them are pretty drastic &
really tough.
Our challenge is to always find the Love, in every situation & experience we are involved in. And most of all it's in finding the Love for ourselves … no matter what we've done.
When we find the Love ... we feel the Love ... we experience the Love ... & others experience the Love coming from us.
We're here on this planet ... to find, hold & express the Love We Truly Are, no matter what's going on in our life, or around us.
The way we become
aware & understand the Love That We Are ... is by going thru all those experiences of who we are not.
Negative experiences help us stand on guard ... so we don't repeat the same situation over & over. It's the negative experiences that project us right into Who We Are. It's Love coming as a helpful friend to remind us.
Find the silver lining in any bad experience & we go past the illusion of anything being bad … into the grand awareness & wisdom
hidden as a gift in that particular experience. And it's in this way that negative experiences show us the way to what will serve us grandly in our next experience. This is the
way to happiness & feeling good as we go thru every situation in our lives. It's in the realization that the negative experience … wasn't really bad at all.
How our negative experiences ... open the doors for us to help others.
When we go to help another
but we haven't had that particular experience ourselves ... the one looking for help listens to us in a certain way. But after we explain to this individual that we've gone thru the very same experience
as he or she has ... something unique happens in the way this person listens to us from then on.
The door to their heart opens in the most beautiful of ways ... because this person comes to realize we truly do understand ... their feelings, their hurt, their pain ... & their all of it.
To this individual, you become a
genuine teacher... because you also experienced this first hand & survived it. You're able to truly guide this person
in how to feel better & make grander choices in their life because of your experience in common. Isn't it wonderful how
it works?
We first come to know Who We Are …
& then we're given the gift of helping
others see ... & step into Who They Are.
So the next time you can't find one good thing about
a certain experience in your life ask yourself ...
Have I stopped & realized the wisdom, knowledge, clarity, strength & understanding I truly gained from that experience?
Do I now see a clearer path to the choices that would have better served
me better & what qualities I need to call on … for who I want to be & express next time?
Do I see how this experience also held a gift in "sculpting me into a
teacher" with much wisdom to share
… so I can truly be of service to those that come to me who are having a similar experience?
One special note …
A negative or bad experience is all in the eye of the beholder. It all boils down to the perspective one holds &
how they see the situation.
But in
truth … everything serves us, dear one.
It's our perception
that determines if the experience will be held as a positive or negative one. Anything we experience can be looked at in several ways … but know that anything held in a
negative way can be looked at positively. It all depends on if we use the mind alone … or if we bring our
heart into it as well.
Our challenge is to find the Love, goodness & silver lining ... in every experience no matter how tough it was or may be.
I'd
like to share an experience from my life that really shook me up. It is given to help you fully understand a perspective of Love & how things work behind the scenes for our greater good.
Throughout my life I
was presented with many experiences that were geared to get me to speak up for myself. Every time an experience showed up
in my life to get me to do this, I failed to stand up for myself & then more experiences were presented.
The reason the experiences kept coming was … I hadn't found enough
Love for myself to honor myself.
At age 15 my boyfriend raped me. Still very much a child, I wasn't ready
for a sexual encounter mentally or emotionally. I cried the whole time the rape was happening … but I didn't take any
other actions to make him stop.
I didn't speak up or stand up for myself nor did I protect myself or show resistance in any way. I thought the boy should have known better ... I thought he definitely could see me crying & would know this wasn't appropriate.
As crazy as it sounds, I stayed with him for years & any sexual contact we had was like experiencing the rape over & over again.
Every time it happened, I was given another chance to Love myself enough to say what I felt in my heart & walk out. This was all happening because of my refusal to
think enough of myself.
I could have put an end to what was happening at any time. All I had to
do was take a stand & hold my own ground. But my silent loveless pattern continued & so did the experiences.
After a traumatic event with this boy, 2 officers took an hour & a
half out of their day to explain the facts of life & Love to me … & because of them, I finally woke up.
I didn't realize this at the
time I was experiencing it, but looking back, I now fully understand why it all had happened. Many times in my life, I was presented
with experiences to speak up for myself … which I chose over & over not to do for various reasons.
Divine Love was asking me … How tough do things have to become before you stand up for yourself?
How many uncomfortable experiences must be sent … for you to awaken to Loving yourself?
How long will you wait before you finally honor yourself?
After many attempts of trying to get me to see & do this for myself
... the Divine Plan took me into one of my hardest lessons in life. It was presented out of Pure Love to help me awaken to one of the most important things in life … Loving myself.
The reason for the experience was to find enough Love for myself to say … "No". This is "not acceptable" & walk out no matter what anyone else thought or wanted. It was all about me finally finding the Love I needed for myself, the Love that I'd been missing the whole time.
Now as I look back ... I no longer see
this as a negative experience. I realize it was all to bring me back to the Love I should have been holding for myself all along. The boy was but a character in my life that came to
push me beyond my loveless boundaries. His role was to challenge me more than any other situation before … so I'd finally come to honor myself & say "No".
The experience was all Divinely Created ... so I'd
finally say & do what I needed to for myself & find the Love I so desperately needed as well.
When we come to understand that every experience we have... is but to find the
Love or gift hidden in it ... it all gets pretty simple. Understanding brings great wisdom. Wisdom is Love. Love is Wisdom.
The more you understand that these experiences were but a way for you to see "how
to shine next time" ... the more you'll begin to Love yourself again.
You've been gathering what you need ... for the grandest human walk you've ever taken ... your grandest human expression ever ... for you're being
sculpted to Express God in Human Form.
Would God not Love Itself, honor Itself & Its Temple in every way?
All is well
... it always was. Once you finally
take the time to Love yourself enough, you'll show Love beyond compare in any situation, no matter what's happening in your life. This is one of the ways life
works behind the scenes to help you become all you can be.
It has all been a plan for you to stand in All Your Glory & Shine like you never have before. It's time to see yourself in a new light thru
the eyes of Love.
Stop putting yourself down & hurting yourself. Rise to Who You Really Are & realize the "gift" you truly received from all those experiences.
You've waited so long to be Loved & approved of, dear one … allow yourself the pleasures & rewards of Loving & "honoring yourself".
Remember, You Are that Piece of Art being Sculpted ... Sculpt Yourself Divine!
From: "You Are the Grandest Love of All - God In Human Form"
by UnityLove, Copyright 2004
click here for website
Here's a story I wrote for Newsvine.com - a group I belong to...
At The End Of Your Day...
by Kathleen Howe
At
the end of each day, do you reflect back from the time you woke up and ask yourself, "What did I accomplish today?"
or "Who did I touch with something I said or did today?" and honestly take the time to search your day for answers to these
questions. Each of us - if we are to live with ourselves in good conscience; must have a deep seeded belief that we are to
treat our fellow man as we would like to be treated ourselves. If this is fact, why wouldn't we take the time each day to
hold ourselves accountable? Why wouldn't we take the few minutes it would take to account for touching someone elses' life
besides our own?
Does it matter what religion we follow
in order for this to be of utmost importance to us? Is politics your religion? Do you think more of what candidate lies the
most or who will ruin our country the fastest than you do of what you personally can do to change the life of just one person
each day you are alive? Is it too difficult for us to reach out to others? Are we too selfish to expect this type of servitude
of our own selves? I'm curious, does it hurt too much to try to help someone and they don't respond? What is it that isn't
changing our world as we know it? Why aren't we all wallowing in the "love light" of loving our neighbor as our self?
People ask who is responsible for
the state of our economy today and the answer is truly visible should one dare to look at it. Who in business has lied
today? Take a number, you are responsible for the aching need within the one country in the world that catches the world's
eye no matter what happens within. Who in business has been greedy today? Take a number as well, the meat counter is very
busy today with "special cuts" of beef being on special. If you can grasp that analogy... think about it some more.
Who in business has disregarded the
health and well being of other Americans today while keeping their own needs, wants and benefits in their decision
making processes? Who cares about those who don't have what they have in life - like a job? It has been a cut throat, man
eat man, woman eat woman world in America's business history in the past twenty-five years and I believe that the state of
the economy has been the fat sacrificial pig.
Has capitalism finally met its demise
in the true sense of the world? When big business is forced to use the governmental credit card they've been saving to survive
- just as millions of Americans have been forced to do for decades, the pot has truly called the kettle black. What gives?
I'll tell you. There are not many business people in this world hanging on to the Golden Rule. It's not just business that
has shifted to this "easy way" of living. It's government, it's the educational system, it's not a dog eat dog world anymore
- people are gnawing their way through other people as if the cannibal special is working its way to extinction. Which it
just might be.
I took a week off of Newsvine
to see what's happening in my other part of my world and it's going bazonkers! Big time bazonkers... I was forced to see that
other people don't give two hoots about what's happening in anyone else's lives because it takes too much time away from their
hobbies, their fun, their self serving - time consuming adventures in whatever floats their own individual boats. I got back
to my own little world where I chose to make a commitment to myself about having a hobby of substance, one that would help
others while I helped myself.
I was confronted with those people
with whom my life has revolved for just over six years. I got back to thinking about someone else during the day besides myself.
I had to reach down deep to find something within me that would be loving and kind and of help to someone outside of my immediate
family. I had to keep on doing all those other things that I do for my family, but keeping my commitment to myself that I
would sit at the end of my day and reflect on what I had done for someone else. I committed to making a difference in someone's
life every day of my life. Is that too much to ask of anyone?
In today's economy I don't
understand how anyone in the banking business can say with good conscience that charging someone $75.00 in an overdraft charge
for a check written that was 5 cents short is a good thing to do to someone. I remember when the bank would call me and say,
"Did you realize that you were going to be overdrawn when you wrote that check?" before they decided to charge me the $15.00
that I thought was outrageous back then. I remember when my bank honored my word over such a thing.
Now they don't care at all.
They will take your money, hundreds of thousands of dollars of your money, but if you make a mistake when subtracting - they'll
charge you an arm and a leg which will cause your entire bank book balance to go crazy and you'll end up being charged another
few hundred dollars in charges along the way. But the bankers don't go home at night and think about what they did to help
anyone anymore. There are many bankers out there who are nervous, anxious and depressed because they can't go to sleep at
night because they didn't help anyone that day; in fact, they most likely financially raped someone that day a few hundred
times over.
It's not just the bankers.
Think about General Motors and their snap team of CEO, Presidents, Vice Presidents, and Directors of every department; too
new to the company to know the men that put in thirty two years into the company. Shoot, none of them will ever put thirty
two years into a company in this world! There is no more loyalty in business. It's that man eat man world out there, remember?
Not one of these administrators of General Motors gives two hoots about the thousands of men and women who worked thirty plus
years in the company and who have to pay for health benefits promised to be free for years because of the investment the workers
had put into the system.
But that was back when the system
was thriving. The system thrived under the pretense of employer/employee loyalty - remember? That was when General
Motors was making money hand over fist. That was when people in America worked for General Motors. That was when General Motors
had profits every year; enough to have profit sharing among the employees. How many of those executives go home at night and
reflect upon how they helped just one American that day?
At the end of your day, no
matter what business you are in - who have you helped? Have you taken the time to own up to your own ethics, moral substance
and your willingness to give of yourself? How have you helped your neighbor or fellow American? Think about it. What did you
do to help the economy today? Who did you financially rape today? Are you a bill collector who harassed the mother of three
children, one who has a life threatening illness, to the point that she felt she wanted to kill herself today? Was that chore
on your to-do list at work? Get the payment no matter what it takes?
I am willing to bet that there
are millions of people who aren't proud of what they do in their business life. What about you? Do you even know about your
own family and their needs? Are you filling the needs of your own families emotionally speaking? Do you care about anyone
but yourself. Shame on you if you are participating on the financial ruin of America. Shame on you all.
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Okay.... after the cry... what
does the baby expect? (Our first experience with expectations! This is scary!) It has just gone through
a painful journey through the birth canal, experienced it's first breath of air, been maybe - spanked - by the doctor, prodded,
poked & suctioned by the nurses - what do you think that baby - that baby who is you is expecting?
It's a wonder that we can
adequately comfort the newborn baby at all! It's just been removed from the "perfect" environment! The constant temperature that
was maintained inside the womb has been disturbed.
The muffled sounds
the baby once heard are now loud voices & noises. The baby wants to be comforted, held close, tightly, to be soothed. This is the goal of every newborn baby who enters the world. To find it's own mother & father's arms for comfort, the sound of their familiar voices & to feel close to them. The baby wants to feel safe, secure & loved.
The baby wants
to sense it's needs are being met. The first thing some mothers will offer the baby is her breast. If breast feeding is what has been planned, or bottle - the baby will be offered food. This is meeting another need of the newborn. The baby wants his or her needs met.
This is all that
is needed by a newborn. If the baby is cold - it wants warmth. If the baby is hungry - it wants food. The baby wants to feel safe, secure - often times babies are swaddled to meet that safe & secure need. The baby has but just a few needs, but they must be met for that baby to continue to grow in a healthy manner.
(In my personal growth recovery journey - yes - even after having 5 children - this was the first time that I thought about the fact that "I" had needs as a human being. I learned about making good choices somewhere along the age of 40 and that was much too late to change
my already bad habits! Yeah, I didn't learn about welfare or domestic violence shelters until after I was in my 40's - again
too late!)
It's very difficult for
most people to grasp the concept that what they're feeling today - is deeply rooted in this very important time in our lives - the first 3 years of our lives.
Not only the first 3 years - but in our physical & mental development those 3 years are crucial for essential growth opportunity.
This understanding takes a huge amount of pressure from my shoulders. I've believed that my troubles - the weight of the world to me - weren't going to suddenly disappear if I blamed anyone for my situation, and that by taking ownership for my recovery; using my energies for being responsible myself to find a way out of my misery.
It's really all about grasping the connections once you find them! It's interesting, it's a powerful discovery... personal growth and recovery through self examination and "in depth" study in developmental factors we were never taught as children, teens or even young
adults will bring a new peace and enlightenment into your world today!
The information below
is a brief description of the entire network of emotional feelings sites and how to navigate
them. There is also my monthly column, "i've just gotta say it!" & other information
that is important for you to consider.
Please consider that there
is a reason for every piece of information within the network. I have worked these sites up & down, back & forth - for
one simple reason.
Adding this dimension to
my journey has introduced me to others who are also "in need". Others are out there that have lived similar lives. There are others out there that just need someone to talk to for support! I have the time. I want to help others. I feel that if the entire world spent a consistent percentage of their time everyday helping others, our world would be a glorious place to live.
using feature #2:
All emotions & feelings are in alphabetical order. You will travel thru the underlined
link words throughout the emotional feelings network of sites.
This is the index of all the sites
you'll find within the network:
Emotional Feelings: containing all feelings & emotions that begin with “a”
Emotional Feelings, 3: containing all feelings & emotions beginning with the letter "b"
Emotional Feelings, too: containing all feelings & emotions that begin with “c”
Emotional Feelings, 4: You're
here now!!! containing all the feelings & emotions beginning with the letter "d"
Feeling Emotional, too: containing all feelings & emotions beginning with the letters “e & f ”
Feeling Emotional, 4: containing all feelings & emotions beginning with the letters "g thru i"
Feeling Emotional, 3: containing all feelings & emotions beginning with the letters "j thru n"
Feeling Emotional: containing all feelings & emotions beginning with the letters “o thru r”
extremely emotional: containing all feelings & emotions beginning with the letter "s thru w"
your "Un"emotional Side: This site highlights all feelings & emotions using the prefix "un" before them - i.e., unaware, unacceptable, uncontrollable,
unsuccessful....
the layer down under: this site offers more than feelings & emotions! the subjects contained in the layer down under are highlighted
in the lefthand column to give you the feel of some important topics you'll need to consider in feeling & emotion work as well as general personal growth or recovery processes.
the self pages: containing the topics that are prefixed
with the word, "self" - such as self acceptance, self actualization,
self defeated, self help, self love, etc.
anxieties 101: this site contains information concerning the following topics. you can click on any of the
underlined title words to travel over to that specific page if you see something that you're immediately interested in!
what is mental illness?
anxiety disorders
generalized & social anxiety disorders: separation anxiety mentioned as well
caregiver anxiety
panic disorder: information regarding panic attacks included
phobias: specific phobias, social phobia, agoraphobia - additional page linked off of this page: the phobia list
obsessive compulsive disorder: mention of other obsessive compulsive disorder (tourettes, etc.)
post traumatic stress disorder: acute stress disorder
since depression is very often co-existing
with the above anxiety disorders as well as emotions & feelings, eating disorders, abuse & other forms of dysfunction,
there's plenty of information regarding depression & other mood, or affective disorders included.
depression page: links to other depression information within the site - additional pages linked off of this page: bipolar disorder, mood & affective disorders
how it all works: this page is offered because I found the information very important in understanding mental illness & recovery processes,
how your brain works, how your brain is linked to many subjects, etc. as well as a glossary of mental health terms...
the more you
learn about mental illness, the more you begin to realize about how prevalent it is within different
age groups. therefore, i've broken it down into different age levels on each of the following pages...
children & mental illness: topics concerning children & mental illness as well as info concerning the currently being developed site, children 101 - this site can be accessed while being developed! additional pages linked off of this page: parenting 101
teens & mental illness: different topics concerning teens & mental illness for parents to look over as well as info about the teenscene site!
young adults & mental illness: what concerns young adults directly in relationship with mental health & well being, i.e., college, eating disorders
& other issues
men & mental illness: what concerns men directly with mental health & lifestyle, parenting, job related issues
women & mental illness: what concerns women directly in relationship with mental health, parenting, career & other issues -separate page for
women about hormonal changes & connection with mental illness
seniors & mental illness:what concerns seniors directly in relationship with mental health, life transitions & other issues
lifestyle factors
have a huge link to our mental health. thru my research i found that i needed education concerning my lifestyle habits that had a great bearing on my well being, so i included lifestyle pages on this
site as well.
lifestyle diet: it's surprising to learn the ramifications of a nutritious diet in relationship with your mental health
& well being!
lifestyle exercise: a direct connection to mental health! the importance of exercise in your life!
lifestyle sleep: information regarding sleep habits, sleep, sleep hygeine & the importance of sleep in relation to
mental health....additional pages linked from this page: insomnia, special sleep problems in children
lifestyle relaxation: descriptions concerning different relaxation techniques & explanations as to how important relaxation
is in our lives
lifestyle counseling: explanations of different kinds of counseling, the importance of counseling, definitions concerning
counseling, etc.
lifestyle medications: information concerning medications used for different mental illness & sleep disorders
disasters unpredicted: page accessed from this page: understanding trauma
the following is a separate site you may
visit with the emotional feelings network of sites!
night eating: i experienced this eating/sleeping disorder for most of my life
& finally beat it. this website offers information concerning eating & sleeping disorder & pays particular attention
to night eating syndrome!
teenscene: this site is for teens, similar to anxieties101! - & just a quick heads up to your parents with teens! i began to monitor where the people who visit teenscene 101 were coming from & lo & behold !!! - there were lots of hits coming from other sites concerning teens, PORN SITES - and some of them very disgusting to say the least.
so i added
a new, "fake" home page onto teenscene to monitor how many hits i would get on the real homepage, after seeing how many people came to the new "fake" home
page. i put a short sweet little note on there that says, " this is teenscene 101. it's a site for teens who are searching for info concerning teen life. it's not a porn site! but if you were looking for
a porn site - click here - and i sent them to the addictions page at the layer down under that features my thoughts on porn addiction....
sexual predators
are everywhere... make sure your significant other isn't surfing the web for anything that says
"teen" on it & watch where your kids are surfing, because believe it or not, it's one of the newest teen pasttimes!
kathleen!
"i've just
gotta say it!"
June 2009
kathleen howe
I'm so pleased
that people are visiting the network in record numbers! Hurray! I hope just one thing they find will be an "aha moment" for
each of them!
I moved. Yes,
something I've wanted to do for years finally came to pass and I love it. I've just gotta say that it means a new beginning
for our family as a whole as well as a new beginning for me. Thank God.
With many reasons
for the move, many of them relate to topics within the network, my family's emotions and feelings, needs and my own recovery
personal growth journey. Let me share!
First of
all... the move. The move was something I had always wanted to do, but I went about it the wrong way. Because
of my avoidance behaviors associated with my Post traumatic stress disorder it was easy to do. You can read about this by clicking here.
Now, my job after the move is to incorporate good or productive and
healthy behaviors into the new house and the new beginning. We had to rent 2 dumpsters at the old house to take away all the
trash that was in our house. Still we had to dump some trash at the dump as well. We also have some trash at our new home
that we've been putting out.
Trash - unproductive.
Time To DeClutter?
If you’ve lost sight of your carpet, can’t find your
clean clothes in the pile on the floor, and don’t remember if that basket holds trash or important paperwork, it’s
time to de-clutter.
If you need a hammer and nails but have to wade through old toys, paint cans, and things that have gathered dust
in your garage to find them, it’s time to de-clutter.
Have you given up having family dinners because you’ve lost the dining room table under the accumulated
mess?
Do you shudder when you open your refrigerator because it’s a constant reminder
that you’ve neglected it? Are you afraid when you need something the kids borrowed and you are forced to search through the endless clutter in their rooms to find
your belongings?
Do you have to clean out your seat into an already overloaded trunk just to give a co-worker a ride
home?
People continually add to their daily stress because of the clutter in many, if not all, areas of their
lives.
Then they finally get a day off work only to once more ignore de-cluttering in favor of going shopping,
running errands, or taking the kids somewhere to have fun. So, the clutter continues to build. They may feel they sacrifice
enough of their time already and work too hard to spend their precious off-time decluttering.
Yet this may be the one area that could simplify their busy lives.
Gaining control over clutter can relieve stress. Sometimes a person will attempt to de-clutter their
homes by cleaning and clearing only what can be readily seen by any visitors.
This is similar to the child who shoves everything under the bed or into the closet in an attempt to
fool mom and dad, or at least to get them off their backs temporarily.
People become frustrated every day because they have lost something because of lack of organization.
They have shoved so much junk into lockers, closets, and into their drawers that they feel the situation is hopeless.
Busy families will literally stuff a dresser so full it finally breaks the runners on the drawers,
handles are pulled off from tugging open an overstuffed drawer, and the bottom will give way.
Kids lose athletic clothing, tennis shoes, and socks for lack of organization. Parents lose their ties
or are late to work because their suit was wadded into a pile and wrinkled. They forget to clean their uniforms. They misplace
important papers.
Clutter can affect grades at school, relationships, self-esteem, and careers. Have people
stopped visiting because your home has become so cluttered that it’s unsafe, a germ haven, and smelly - all because
you need to de-clutter?
You can learn to de-clutter. You must reprogram your thinking process and reassess your priorities.
It will help you regain your sense of overall well-being. It’s never too late to learn better habits.
source site: click here
If it's true that we're a product of our environment - and we're neglecting our environment - it's very likely that we're neglecting taking care of our own selves as well!
Declutter My House!
Almost every home has clutter. Clutter is the stuff that finds its way through your home, wandering
from place to place, without a place to belong.
Some clutter just needs to disappear. Other clutter should be organized and a place created for it to belong. But decluttering your
house doesn’t have to be difficult. It depends on how you do it.
There are many ways to declutter your home. I declutter my house by sorting items into three boxes:
keep, give away, and trash. Then, I empty the boxes into the places they belong, and create a home for all of my things. However,
this only works if you know your cluttered home is due to unnecessary items.
Another way to unclutter your house is by going through each room and accessing the clutter
and disorganization. I determine about how much stuff needs to go, and how much stuff needs to stay. If the problem appears to be a lack of places to put things, I head off to the department store
for a brainstorming session.
If you’re not sure where the organization section of your department store is, go to the first
employee you see and ask, “Where is the stuff I can use to declutter my home?” They’ll know right where
to send you.
Once you have a place for everything, it’s time to put everything in its place.
If you start putting things away and realize you still don’t have enough room for everything, you may need to reevaluate what items need to stay, and what items need to go. Some items can go into storage, such as seasonal items.
However, be careful that the next question you ask doesn’t become, “How do I declutter
my basement?”
A friend of mine declutters her home by getting rid of everything in the house that is not being used.
She does this every season. She also avoids bringing anything into the house without making sure that something else leaves.
This is a great way to not only declutter your house, but make sure that everything stays clutter free.
Another way to declutter your home is to get the help of your family.
Don’t try to do it all on your own.
Two weeks before any birthday, Christmas, Easter, or other gift giving holiday, I have my children
go through their toys and box up anything they no longer play with.
This help to keep their room, and the rest of the house, decluttered, as well as making room for the
new toys they will receive as gifts.
The prospect of getting new things always makes them more willing to part with those toys they don’t
really play with anymore.
source site: click here
Handy Household Hints
There are possibly thousands of handy household hints available through self help books, websites,
internet searches, and television shows. Below you will find what I think are some of the best handy household hints out there.
Here’s a handy household hint to ease your dusting chores and help your electronics last longer.
Did you know that you can repel dust from your electronics?
After dusting, use a fabric softener sheet that has already been used in your laundry, and rub it all
over the parts of the electronics that you don’t want to dust. Instead of attracting dust, the electronics will repel
dust!
Did you know that the best thing for decluttering your garden is likely in your kitchen cabinet?
The best weed repellent in your arsenal can be found in the baking section of your local grocery store.
Apple cider vinegar sprayed on any plant will kill it by the next day.
This handy household hint could save your life.
It’s a good idea to go through your medicine cabinet twice a year and throw out any old medications.
This prevents taking a medication by mistake, or children getting into medication that is old and might cause illness.
There are several handy household hints out there for cleaning tough floors.
Use silver polish to clean up crayon marks from vinyl or linoleum floors.
Remove wax from carpets by placing brown paper over the wax, then running over it with a warm iron.
Ivory bar soap works well on almost any carpet stain. Just use the soap with a toothbrush and rinse
well.
There are also a lot of handy household hints uttering up your windows and mirrors? Here’s a
handy household hint that will save you money. Instead of buying window cleaner, buy rubbing alcohol and put it in a spray
bottle. It won’t leave streaks and it will actually repel prints for a few days.
There are many other handy household hints available in a variety of places. The best way to find more
household hints might be to search the Internet, or try a household hint and organization book.
source site: click here
How to Declutter
Spring is in the air, and spring cleaning is all about getting rid of clutter! It is, after all, the
first step to home organization. But how do you declutter your home? By following this simple, three step process in every
room of your home.
You will need three boxes (large ones if you have a lot of clutter), a trash bag, an egg timer, a permanent marker, and a lot of self control.
Mark one box “Keep,” one box “Give Away,” and one box “Trash.”
Line the trash box with a trash bag. Set your egg timer for one hour, and go!
Start with the door way to the room, and work clockwise.
Anything you are going to keep goes in the keep box. Anything you are going to give away
goes in the give away box. Anything that needs to be tossed goes in the trash box.
Don’t second guess yourself.
Go with your first instinct. Your goal is to be done with this room in one hour! Don’t dawdle!
When you are finished with the room, or your timer goes off, it’s time to take care of your boxes.
Dispose of the trash.
Take the give away box immediately to your car and put it in the trunk to take to your
favorite charity or thrift store. (This way you can’t change your mind about keeping any of it!)
Then, it’s time to take care of the Keep box. Take the Keep box around your home depositing items
in the room they belong, putting them in their place.
If it is a room you haven’t decluttered yet, place the item in the room where it will be out
of the way until you have a place for it. By the time you are finished decluttering your home you will have a place for everything,
I promise!
If your timer hasn’t gone off yet, you did a great job!
If it has, reset it for fifteen minutes. Kick back and relax, and glory in what you have accomplished!
When the timer goes off a second time, it’s time to get back to work by moving on to the next room or finishing the
one you started.
Depending on the amount of clutter in your home and the size of your home, it may take several days
or a week of this process to declutter your home.
However, it will happen, and when you are finished you will have a clean, organized home with a place
for everything and everything in its place.
What a wonderful feeling!
source site: click here
This is the first
part of my latest journey. I don't want to put down too many things at once - so I'll keep the above information for the month
of June. It's a great time for garage sales and donating to Goodwill and other charitable
organizations. Contact a domestic violence shelter in your area to see what they could use for women starting their lives
over!
Get outside and
enjoy the spring/summer weather! It's so awesome to commune with nature!
As always, I'm
thinking of all of you and hoping that these websites are helping you in some way!
What do I do if I think someone is abusing a child? (from childhelp.org)
If a child discloses
that he or she has been abused by someone, it is important that you listen to them most of all.
DO NOT
- Investigate
- Ask leading questions (a question that suggests the answer or contains the information the questioner is looking for – That man
touched you, didn’t he?)
- Make promises
- Notify the parents or the caretaker
DO
-
-
Tell the child it was not his/her fault
-
-
Document the child’s exact quotes
-
-
-
Tell the truth and make no promises
-
Ask ONLY 4 questions
-
What happened?
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Who did this to you?
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Where were you when this happened?
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When did this happen?
Asking any additional questions may contaminate a
case!
Report it!
Yelling at Children (Verbal Abuse)
Benj Vardigan
CONSUMER HEALTH INTERACTIVE
AHealthyMe.com
You've
no doubt heard the adage, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me!" Well it's not true. Name-calling hurts -- especially when the person doing it is a parent, a teacher, or a coach. Hollering
and flashing your temper might strike you as a natural and effective form of discipline if you were brought up with it.
But
for children it may cause emotional trauma that results in long-lasting harm.
Among
other things, verbal abuse can undermine your child's self-esteem, damage his ability to trust and form relationships, and chip away at his academic and social skills.
In
fact, current research shows that verbal abuse of children can be just as destructive
emotionally as physical and sexual abuse and puts them in as much risk for depression and anxiety.
What is verbal abuse?
You may be verbally abusing your child if you are doing any of the following:
- Name-calling,
belittling, swearing, insulting. ("You are stupid." "You're a rotten kid.")
Indirect
criticism, such as disparaging your child to your spouse, also hurts. Just because you're not berating your child directly doesn't mean he doesn't hear it and feel the sting. |
- Rejecting or threatening with abandonment. ("I wish you'd never been born." "I should put you up for adoption.") This kind of
verbal abuse creates a sense that your child doesn't belong -- and isn't wanted -- in the family.
|
- Threatening bodily harm. Studies have linked verbal aggression and physical aggression: A 1989 Harvard study found, i.e., that "parents who yell frequently are the ones most likely to hit frequently, and vice
versa." Even if you don't act on violent threats, they may make your child fear you and distrust you.
|
- Scapegoating
or blaming. ("You're the reason this family is such a mess." "If I didn't have to take care of you, I could
have a better life." "If you weren't so clumsy, your sister wouldn't have gotten hurt.") Your child will think he's a bad person who deserves to be unhappy.
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- Using
sarcasm. Making a mocking remark, such as "Now that was smart" when he spills grape juice on the rug,
might seem like a way to avoid direct criticism, but your child is perceptive enough to understand that you're demeaning him.
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- Berating your spouse. A study at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County, determined
that children who see their parents verbally abusing each other are more likely to be depressed or anxious, and to experience more interpersonal problems of their own. Interestingly, the study also found that verbal aggression between parents was more traumatic to children than physical violence between parents.
|
How common is verbal abuse?
Reports are mixed.
A study at the University of New Hampshire found that 63% of more than 3,000 American parents surveyed reported one or more
cases of verbal aggression toward children in their homes.
However, a Child
Protective Services study determined that only 6% of all child abuse cases involved "emotional
maltreatment" (of which verbal abuse
is the most common form). The fact that signs of verbal abuse are
harder to recognize and prove than signs of physical abuse may account for the seemingly low number of "official"
verbal abuse cases.
What are signs that a child is suffering
from verbal abuse?
• Negative self-image. This is the most common and pervasive effect of verbal abuse. Your child
may say things like, "I'm stupid," or, "Nobody likes me." Or he may simply seem withdrawn, sullen, or depressed, all of which can be signs of a poor self-image.
In
defining emotional abuse, the National Committee for the Prevention of Child Abuse
says that it "attacks a child's... sense of self-worth." |
•Self-destructive acts. "Cutting" (using razor blades or knives to cut his own skin) and all forms of self-injury
signal a problem, as do other reckless activities that put your child in danger. |
•Antisocial behavior. The New Hampshire
study found that verbally abused children demonstrated higher rates of physical aggression, delinquency, and interpersonal problems. Your child may hit other children, frequently quarrel with his classmates, or be
cruel to (or even torture) animals. |
•Delayed development. The slowdown may appear in your child's physical, social, academic,
or emotional development. He may have difficulty making friends, fall behind in school, or engage in regressive acts such
as rocking, bed-wetting, and thumb-sucking. |
Does verbal abuse do any
long-term harm?
Yes. Research shows
that abused children are more likely to:
|
•become victims of abuse later in life |
| •become depressed and self-destructive later in life |
Why can't I seem to control my temper?
Most parents at
some time find themselves feeling frustrated and angry with their children. This is normal. Occasionally they say things they regret -- to their children, their spouses, or their friends.
This, too, is normal.
But if you find that you are routinely having angry outbursts or that whenever you're frustrated you lash out at those around you in the ways described above -- then you need to get help. (Please keep in mind that if you feel overwhelmed by your anger, you may want to consider getting help from a counselor, psychotherapist, or mental health
professional trained in anger management.) Meanwhile, here are some ways to begin helping yourself.
To
start getting a handle on your outbursts, try to understand the reasons behind your behavior. The following are some of the more common explanations for verbally
abusive behavior:
| •a failure to understand that there are other ways to discipline and communicate with your child |
| •the belief that verbal abuse is necessary as a form of "tough love" |
| •an inability to control strong emotions |
| •a history of verbal abuse by parents, teachers, and other adults |
What can I do to avoid verbally abusing my child?
In moments of stress and anger, try to refrain from saying anything mean or sarcastic to your child. Remember, you're his main and most important role model. If you tend to fall apart, lose your cool, and act abusively at challenging
times, you'll likely raise a child who does the same.
Here
are some ways you can calm yourself down:
- Take
a "time-out." This method works as well for adults as it does for kids. If your child can be left alone, go to another room. If he's too young for that, try walking to the other end of the room. Then take a few slow, deep breaths,
seeking to let go of the situation emotionally. Wait 5 minutes (or more if you need it)
before talking to your child.
|
- Share
your feelings of resentment or anger with your spouse or a friend. Be sure to do this in private, where your child won't hear you and feel wounded by your words.
|
- Try
to deal only with the present rather than letting all the stressful incidents that have "piled up" overcome your emotions.
|
In
addition, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends using what it calls the RETHINK method to bring your feelings under control. RETHINK stands for:
| •Empathize with your child. |
| •Think of the situation differently. (Try using humor.) |
| •Hear what your child is saying. |
| •Keep your attention on the present problem. |
A
study at Colorado State University found that parents who participated in a 6-week workshop based on this method became
more effective at managing their anger.
What can I do to prevent someone else from verbally abusing my child or another child?
Always be aware of other influences on your child. Just because you have your temper under control doesn't mean that all the other adults in your child's life do.
Teachers,
coaches, babysitters, siblings, older siblings of friends, and even other children's parents can harm your child by demeaning or humiliating him.
Make
a point of asking your child about his relationships with other adults. Of course, he might not tell you if someone
is verbally abusing him -- he might not even realize it. So you'll want to be on the lookout
for signs of emotional turmoil:
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Nightmares
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bed-wetting
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school phobia
-
may be part of the "code"
you'll have to crack in order to figure out what's troubling your child.
If
you feel that another adult is abusing your child or his or her own child, you can call the Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hot Line at (800) 422-4453,
for advice. If you're certain of the problem, contact your local Child Protective Services (CPS) agency to report it.
CPS
professionals will evaluate the report, and if they deem it necessary, they will send someone out to talk with the
alleged abuser. CPS will keep your report confidential, although you can make an anonymous
report if you prefer. (But keep in mind that bogus anonymous reports are, unfortunately,
quite common.)
Sometimes
a family counselor or psychologist can assess your child for signs of verbal abuse.
If you think the abuse is occurring at school, be sure to take your child to be evaluated by someone independent of the school.
Oftentimes
your family doctor or pediatrician can help you with a referral. Do whatever is necessary to get your child away from the
abuser -- if a PE coach is taunting him, i.e., ask that he be placed in a different class.
And
be sure to make your concerns known to the principal, director, league officials, and so on.
What if I see a stranger verbally
abusing a child in the supermarket or at the park?
Confronting a total stranger
about parenting techniques is a very touchy endeavor. There are many different ways of parenting, and an approach that seems
abusive to you may not be seen in the same light by others.
Be
aware, too, that confronting a parent in an accusatory manner is liable to make her defensive and possibly more angry than she already is.
However,
if you feel strongly that the parent is harming her child, and you need to say something, it's best to take a subtle, even
empathetic approach rather than delivering a challenge. Many child advocates believe that in a public setting distracting the "abuser" will at least partly defuse the immediate situation for the child in danger.
Don't
try to teach the parent, coach, or teacher how they "should" behave. Saying something like, "It's hard to know what
to do, isn't it?" might be a good way to get the parent to step back and rethink her behavior, or at least calm down.
Remember,
you just want to shift the focus off the child. Although some people may feel that distracting the adult from taking her anger out on the child seems to condone such behavior, it's only an attempt to ease the turbulence of the moment.
After
all, a long-term solution is just not possible when you're dealing with a complete stranger in the middle of a grocery
store.
-- Benj Vardigan is a senior
editor for Consumer Health Interactive and the winner of an Outstanding Young Journalist award from the Northern California
chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists.
click here to go to source site: source site
click here for the information source for the following info.
what is emotional abuse?
There is no
universally accepted definition of emotional abuse. Like other forms of violence in relationships, emotional abuse is based on power and control. The following are widely recognized as forms of emotional abuse:
rejecting: refusing to acknowledge a person's presence, value or worth; communicating to a person that she or he is useless or inferior; devaluing her/his thoughts and feelings.
Example: repeatedly
treating a child differently from siblings in a way that suggests resentment, rejection or dislike for the child.
degrading: insulting, ridiculing, name calling, imitating and infantalizing; behavior which diminishes the identity, dignity and self-worth of the person.
Examples: yelling,
swearing, publicly humiliating or labeling a person as stupid; mimicking a person's disability; treating a senior as if she or he cannot make decisions.
terrorizing: inducing terror or extreme fear in a person; coercing by intimidation; placing or threatening to place a person in an unfit or dangerous environment.
Examples: forcing
a child to watch violent acts toward other family members or pets; threatening to leave, physically hurt or kill a person, pets or people she / he cares about; threatening to destroy a person's possessions; threatening to have a person deported or put in an institution; stalking.
isolating: physical confinement; restricting normal contact
with others; limiting freedom within a person's own environment.
Examples: excluding a senior from participating in decisions about her or his own life; locking a child in a closet or room alone; refusing a
female partner or senior access to her or his own money and financial affairs; withholding contact with grandchildren; depriving a person of mobility aids or transportation.
corrupting/exploiting: socializing a person into accepting ideas or behavior which oppose legal standards; using a person for advantage or profit; training a child to serve the interests
of the abuser and not of the child.
Examples: child sexual abuse; permitting a child to use alcohol or drugs or see pornography;
enticing a person into the sex trade.
denying emotional responsiveness: failing to provide care in a sensitive and responsive manner; being detached and uninvolved; interacting only when necessary; ignoring a person's mental health needs.
Examples: ignoring a child's attempt to interact; failing to show affection, caring and / or love for a child; treating a senior who lives in an institution as though she / he is an object or "a job to be done."
Emotional abuse
accompanies other forms of abuse, but also may occur on its own;
No abuse - neglect, physical, sexual or financial - can occur without psychological consequences. Therefore all abuse contains elements of emotional abuse;
Emotional abuse
follows a pattern; it is repeated and sustained. If left unchecked, abuse does not get better over time. It only gets worse;
Like other forms of violence
in relationships, those who hold the least power and resources in society, i.e., women and children, are most often emotionally abused;
Emotional abuse
can severely damage a person's sense of self-worth and perception;
In children, emotional abuse can impair psychological development, including:
-
intelligence
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memory
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perception
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attention
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imagination
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moral development
Emotional abuse
can also affect a child's social development and may result in an impaired ability to perceive, feel, understand and express emotions.
how widespread is emotional abuse?
Only a few studies provide
insight about the prevalence of emotional abuse in Canada. Emotional
abuse is difficult to research because:
A recent study
of Ontario investigations into child maltreatment found that, in 1993, 10% of investigations alleged emotional
abuse.
In 1993, 39% of women in abusive relationships
reported that their children saw them being assaulted.
In 1995, the Canadian Women's
Health Test found that of 1000 women 15 years of age or over:
- 36% had experienced emotional
abuse while growing up; 43% had experienced some form of abuse as children or teenagers; and
- 39% reported experiencing verbal/emotional
abuse in a relationship within the last 5 years.
Statistics
Canada's 1993 Violence
Against Women Survey showed that among ever-married or common-law Canadian women aged 18 to 65 years, emotional abuse is widespread. The study found that:
- 35% of all women surveyed reported that their spouse
was emotionally abusive.
- 18% of women reported experiencing emotional abuse but not physical abuse in a relationship.
- 77% of women reported emotional
abuse in combination with physical abuse. In one Canadian study on abuse in university and college dating relationships, 81% of male respondents reported that they had psychologically abused a female partner.
In 1995, a study
of seniors' client records from various agencies across Canada found that psychological abuse
was the most prevalent form of abuse. The 1990 National Survey on Abuse of the Elderly in Canada estimated that:
- 4% of seniors residing in private
homes reported experiencing abuse and/or neglect;
- Questions about insults, swearing and threats were asked as a measure of chronic verbal aggression. The study showed that 1.4% of seniors experienced these forms of emotional abuse in the
year prior to the study; and
- Chronic verbal aggression ranked as the 2nd most prevalent form of mistreatment following material abuse.
facts to consider
Emotional abuse of children can result
in serious emotional and/or behavioral problems, including depression, lack of attachment or emotional bond to a parent or guardian, low cognitive ability and educational achievement, and poor social skills.
One study which looked at emotionally abused
children in infancy and then again during their preschool years consistently found them to be angry, uncooperative and unattached to their primary caregiver. The children also lacked creativity, persistence and enthusiasm.
Children who experience rejection are more likely than accepted children to exhibit hostility, aggressive or passive-aggressive behavior, to be extremely dependent, to have negative opinions of themselves and their abilities, to be emotionally unstable or unresponsive, and to have a negative
perception of the world around them.
Parental verbal aggression (e.g., yelling, insulting) or symbolic aggression (e.g., slamming a door, giving the silent treatment) toward children can
have serious consequences. Children who experience these forms of abuse demonstrate higher rates of physical aggressiveness, delinquency and interpersonal problems than other children. Children whose parents are additionally physically abusive are even more likely to experience such difficulties.
Children
who see or hear their mothers being abused are victims of emotional abuse.
Growing up in such an
environment is terrifying and severely affects a child's psychological and social development. Male children may learn
to model violent behavior while female children may learn that being abused is a normal part of relationships. This contributes to the intergenerational cycle of violence.
Many women in physically abusive relationships feel that the
emotional abuse is more severely debilitating than the physical
abuse in the relationship.
Repeated verbal abuse
such as:
-
-
ridiculing
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-
swearing
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yelling
-
has long-term negative effects on a woman's self-esteem and contributes to feelings of uselessness, worthlessness and self-blame.
Threatening to kill or physically harm a female partner, her children, other family members or pets establishes dominance and coercive
power on the part of the abuser. The female partner feels extreme terror, vulnerability and powerlessness within the relationship. This type of emotional abuse can make an abused
woman feel helpless and isolated.
Jealousy, possessiveness and interrogation about whereabouts and activities are controlling behaviors which can severely restrict a female partner's independence and freedom. Social and financial isolation may leave her dependent upon the abuser for social contact money and the necessities of life.
Emotional abuse can have serious physical and psychological consequences for women, including:
-
-
-
persistent headaches
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back & limb problems
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stomach problems
Women who are psychologically abused but not physically abused are 5 times more likely to misuse alcohol than women who haven't experienced abuse.
Senior abuse
is still a new issue and there is still little research in this field on emotional abuse.
We do know that senior emotional abuse and neglect can be personal or systemic and that it occurs in a variety of relationships and settings, including abuse by:
- a partner
- adult children or other relatives
- unrelated, formal or informal caregivers
- someone in a position of trust.
Seniors who are
emotionally abused may experience feelings of:
These signs may
be easily confused with loss of mental capability so that a senior may be labeled as "senile" or "incapable" when in fact she or he may be being emotionally abused.
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